Being true to you….

spirit8004.jpgIt’s this inner pull…you don’t always have words for and even if you did, you can’t always describe it. You know. That tug at your heart that’s there the moment you’re conscious in the morning, the moment you quiet your thoughts throughout the day, the last thing you think about before drifting off to sleep.

At best, you know it’s asking this: “Are you really being true to your heart?”

Answer it superficially, just to shut it up…and watch what happens….

Sure, distract yourself throughout the days, the weeks, the months, even the years….walk that life that looks busy and important….justify up the wazoo to yourself certain career choices that you know will satisfy family and friends and justify to yourself why you’d be foolish not to make those choices right now….go ahead, try convincing yourself you’re being a grown up—finally—and finally exerting maturity and wisdom about how you must live life now.

And just watch.

See if in another few weeks that tug doesn’t keep you up night after night after night or wake you up early in the wee hours of the morning.

Play that game for a few decades and you may find yourself FINALLY asking this question: “Who’s life am I living? Really! Why am I making these choices?”

Just about 2 decades ago, I took a course that trained me how to practice spiritual healing for myself and others–a course designed by Mary Baker Eddy to teach anyone how to understand, practice and utilize what she termed ‘the divine, or spiritual, Science of Mind-healing’ which she fully discloses in her seminal lifework: Science and Health. (Eddy, Unity of Good, p.37:3).
At the time, I knew this was the line of work I felt ‘called’ to do if you will.

And shortly after that training, I set up shop and announced to my family, friends and community that I was available if anyone needed healing. I had business cards made, found office space to rent. Man oh man, I was living this career through and through. And hands down, a ton of good happened. A lot of people were helped. And I surely grew spiritually.

But something else happened too.
The majority of people who I loved were convinced I’d fail.
Most of my closest friends were as well.
And even people who I could have otherwise collaborated with flat out acted like ‘who do you think you are trying to do this right out of college? What do you know that could possibly help others?”

Some of the folks I looked up to told me I needed to mature more. I needed to be more seasoned.

And guess what happened?

I started listening to them.
I actually started believing their doubts.

So much so that pretty soon, I was asking myself “Tre, what are you doing? What ever made you think you could just start doing this now?”

A few months into that kind of thinking, I ran outa money, lost pretty much all confidence, threw my stuff into storage, and ran away.

Humiliated? Ashamed? Afraid? Alone? Yep.
All of the above—felt it all, pretty much 1000%.

And something else: failure.
I was flat out convinced I failed.

So what do you do when you’re broke, haven’t ‘worked’ according to the ‘real world’ for 4 years, don’t have much credibility in the line of work I was pursuing, and don’t really know where to live?

Why of course! You drive across country and try to begin a new life.
Fine. Did that.
And a decade later, after figuring out how to start substitute teaching and then going on to teach in the public school systems, after now earning a substantial salary, having that pined for professional job title, and to all who had laughed at me proving I had ‘made something of myself” guess who wasn’t buyin’ it?

Me.

Nope. No sell.

Why?

I wasn’t being true to my heart.

Did I like teaching? Yep.
Did I love helping cultivate young minds? You betcha.

But had I ignored the deep rooted feeling like I was a failure…and not only for a little while, but for a whole decade? Oh yeah, big time.

And for all practical purposes, I could have continued right on teaching.
I was pretty good at it, had created a learning center for students with special behavioral needs, and everything seemed thriving.

But day in and day out, I grew more conscious of the fact that I was ignoring the profession I felt called to do: spiritual healing.

So something shifted for me one morning.
It was the middle of the school year. And once again, I’d woken up at the crack of dawn, looking out at the northern California sky’s beauty but feeling so very far away from home (South Florida). And I had a little chat with God. I told Him what I needed. I kinda bargained this way: “Look, I tried your way. Didn’t work. Everyone questioned my authenticity, most were laughing at me, I even ran outa mullah, it didn’t work okay? Now I’m really trying here to be a good teacher. Leave me alone about the healing stuff. I wasn’t good at it, remember?”

And I kid ya not. I heard this: “Uh, Tre? You never checked in with me to find out how you were doing” …Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
But that morning, as I was basically saying ‘get lost’ to God and lemme just keep on with my teaching, I did really get that I’d never checked in with God to begin with.

I’d checked in with everyone and their opinions that surrounded me 10 years ago.
God hadn’t ever laughed at me, judged me poorly, looked at me like a failure. God hadn’t ever told me I was ‘too young’ or ‘too inexperienced.’

But I had.

But I learned this: always always heed that inner nudge coming to you. Why? Because that is God’s nudge. That’s how God communicates with each one of us. And often, this nudge is not echoed elsewhere.

The cool thing? I’ve learned how to stop ‘checking in’ with others. And I’ve learned to stop seeking so many others’ opinions. And I am feeling really right about returning to the practice of spiritual healing I’d felt called to do so many years ago.

If I can offer something it’s this: it is vital to evolve your heart and own your own sense of what you feel you must do with your life. Not only is this unique individuality yours to express, but the world needs you to. That may sound too ethereal. But think about it: you matter, your individual unique expression matters. Don’t turn your back on it. Act as if it’s the most important asset you will ever own. Cherish and cultivate it as you would a sacred space or a tender young babe.

Jesus says it this way “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you.’…..To me that kingdom of heaven is inner peace…..what results from discerning, heeding, and carving out what that voice of Truth nudges you to do and live and be.

Have fun heeding that inner nudge. And defend your right to do so, even if at times it feels no one else will. You won’t ever regret it.

Here’s to being true to you. ☺ Be well and have fun, Tre 😉

~~~~~~~~~~~~

For further information about Mary Baker Eddy, her book Science and Health, or how you can also take this course to learn how to practice this divine Science of Mind-healing, feel free to comment or send an email to me at: tresha.cs@mac.com and let me know how to reach you.

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What if I never find true love?

“What if I never find anyone? No matter whom I am with, I just feel so empty, like no one ever really sees me.”

His revealing words echoed authenticity. His tone ached desperation. Indeed this man I sat with hungered for hope and yearned for validation.

Something impelled me to give my friend more than just a shoulder to lean on. I shared with him what’s helped me when I’ve felt similarly empty, even invisible.

“There was this pattern,” I told him. “I used to measure someone’s view of me based on my own inner gauge of how they treated me—what they said, how they said it, what they looked like as they spoke or didn’t.

If it was a good response, I felt good about myself. If I didn’t like what they had to say or how they said it, I felt miserable. And worse yet, if our conversation remained superficial, I felt slighted. And if they had little interaction with me, I felt ignored and rejected.”

Something shifted for me maybe about a few years ago. I came across this passage in Science and Health, a really great resource I use for learning how to explore practical spirituality.

“God is Love. Higher we cannot look. Farther we cannot go” (4:17).

I began asking myself if it was possible to evolve a sense of validity from within, instead of seeking it as the result of my externals—who I was seeing, who I was friends with or whether my family approved of my life / career choices.

And now, I’m growing more and more certain that we may never find satisfaction if we only look for it in externals—whether we have a companion, others’ opinions of us, job titles, where we are on some material scale of success. Sure, deep connections with someone is a wonderful thing. But no external, no matter how wonderful, is the source of validation and love we seek. Rather, that source can be found in our relationship with the divine.

“You know, that desire for true love that you’re feeling is right, honest, and pure.
You are worth loving because of all the good you wish to share and give to another.
That is an honest pure desire and you can trust that.”

“But if you just pause, let’s shift gears for a moment. Let’s look at the possibility that ‘true love’ is not an external, something you gotta go out and find. In fact, ‘true love’ is the effect of the nature of your oneness with the divine. And in a very real way, you already have this love. It’s within you. It’s who you are, the essence of your being.”

“Eddy writes about it this way in Science and Health
“God is Love. Can we ask Him to be more? God is intelligence. Can we inform the infinite Mind of anything He does not already comprehend?” (p. 2:23)

You see, God, the source and creator of all reality is Love itself. And you, as the child of God, you express this Love right now, this moment.

Tough to claim in the face of feeling invisible or empty, sure. But still true nonetheless.

So since you share this oneness already,the way to feel loved on a regular basis, day to day, is through you doing the mental work to defend this relationship. I know that may sound kinda funny. But it works.

Daily, in thought, defend your oneness to divine Love. And also in thought, thwart off all that opposes this fact. Even when we feel we’re falling into that deep abyss, which another friend referred to once as “that pitless loneliness feeling’, that very moment is the moment when we just need to pause, calm down, take a deep breath and start advocating our oneness. Seriously! Life is not about being a sponge that mentally soaks up a mortal view of life separate from God.

So get into thought and defend that you are not alone, rather you are this moment inseparable from divine Love. And right this moment, you are loved.

Loneliness or invisibility or emptiness come to thought as suggestions. They’re never spiritual facts, God’s view, the truth, of our worth. We can choose to give our consent to these suggestions or not.

In a very subtle way, those suggestions defend a mortal view of life separate from God. Such will never yield a sense of wholeness or completeness until we have x,y, z externals: the boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, career, etc.

But if a spiritual view of life is sought, we can cultivate a sense of our wholeness this moment, filling up on the immediate love we’re about and expressing as an idea in divine Mind.

Eddy writes “…The desire which goes forth hungering after righteousness is blessed of our Father, and it does not return unto us void.” (Science and Health, p. 2: 5).

God KNOWS your desire without even you asking. So know this.
Defend in your thought: God is Love, the only true Being. And I’m the reflection or expression of that Being. Just as Love is reflecting me to be love, this same divine Mind knows it’s my innate right and privilege to share that love, give it and receive it tangibly.

Start there, a vital step. It will shut up the gross accusations of black hole loneliness and all the other attacks that go with it: that you’re not loveable or have done something wrong or don’t know how to ‘be’ in a relationship or whatever stupid lies that linger around in thought.

Lemme state it simply: you gotta proactively defend your oneness. This is not a quick fix stroll in the park, hold hands with God and go back to the real world and find your soul mate.

This is a day by day, thought by thought endeavor to root out all that condemns you and in turn, defend day in and day out you’re the unadulterated integrity of your true being.

Feeling ‘loved’ is never really just about having a companion. It’s not in the next woman, the next man, the next relationship. And it’s really not about what was wrong with all the people you may have loved in the past.

It’s always about you and God. And it’s always between you and God.

When you reach that calm inner peace, reaffirm what is true about your spiritual nature this moment:
You are this moment the expression of integrity, strength, wisdom and courage.
You have all the intelligence, wit, joy and wholeness that your heart seeks.
You are this moment the man or woman of God’s creating and there is nothing wrong with you, nothing horrible about you, nothing unworthy or unloveable, nothing ugly or gross about you….not ever!

As you say these spiritual facts, feel the love that is behind them. And feel the absolute truth of these affirmations. Any thought that condemns you—“I’m not good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, too complex, too independent, too whatever”—is false belief, the antithesis of your spiritual nature. In truth, you are worthy and loveable right this moment!

You are not alone, ever. And you are always loved and loveable.
Claim this moment to moment. Seek that genuine humility that defends your completeness. No dependency, no partial you, just pure, whole, complete, fulfilled you!

Be gentle with your heart. Be patient. Be adamant about defending your oneness to God. It is a moment to moment journey…and you are guaranteed to feel loved!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for reading and sifting through these ideas. Lemme know if you wanna discuss any of them further. Just send me a comment and tell me how to be in touch or email me at: tresha.cs@mac.com.

Much peace to you and so much love, Tre

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Desperate, afraid and alone…

You feel desperate, alone, afraid and don’t have a clue how to pray.

It’s okay. You’re okay. You are not EVER alone and you will be okay.
Try to find somewhere you can sit and just be still.
Make certain it’s safe, somewhere you can be undisturbed.
Maybe it’s curbside on street somewhere (if you had to get out of someone’s car).
Maybe it’s a room where you can lock the door (if you need to get away from someone in your home).
Maybe it’s locked inside a car if you’ve been kicked out of the house where you were staying.
Maybe it’s a rest stop if you’re driving across country running away.
Maybe it’s just in a quiet study in your home somewhere.
Maybe it’s a public bathroom in a mall.
Doesn’t matter where it is. Just be sure you use a sense of wisdom and get somewhere where at the very least your surroundings are safe even if you are feeling panicky in your heart.

Once there, take a deep long breath.

And now it’s gonna read like I’m talking at you. Mainly the point of this blog is to provide you with some spiritual ammo so you can feel you can pray for yourself no matter where you are, no matter what is your circumstance, no matter what is up or what is going on.

First and foremost, you are NEVER outside of God’s care.
God is all Spirit and that Being is omnipotent—all powerful—and omnipresent—everywhere. And you are the very idea or expression of God’s being.
So wherever you are, God is RIGHT THERE.

So first and foremost, after you get very still, defend that God is right there. That whole complete right now everywhere all powerful presence of God is right there. And you are safe because you are dwelling in that presence.

Feel God’s allness. No matter how long it takes.

With every suggestion that tries to enter your thought to say you are desperate or all alone, shut it out. You are taking an aggressive mental stand against any and all suggestions that deny God’s presence or your inseparable bond with that presence.

Shut out anything that is denying God’s reality.
Shut out all suggestions that this prayer won’t work, is a feeble attempt, or that you are too stupid to pray effectively.
Shut out all suggestions that you are alone and desperate.
Shut out all suggestions that you need to be doing anything else right now but pray.

Then, as these opposing arguments begin to cease, get right back in thought in the offensive position and affirm your inseparable relationship to the divine.

You are the very expression of God’s being, so you aren’t vulnerable to any counter force.
You have all the wisdom, intelligence, courage and strength you need right at this moment to face whatever it is that you need to.
If you have been rejected by someone you love, fill your heart with an awareness of how much God is loving you this very moment…even if you don’t believe it….even if you are feeling lost without the one you love. Nothing can convince you you are unworthy or unloved or unloveable.

If you have been ousted from family and have been kicked out of their dwelling, embrace yourself in the knowledge that your true parent, your Father/Mother God is right at hand adoring you, embracing you. There is no real power that can shun you from this love…nothing to tear you out of God’s heart. You are a part of the family of mankind where you will always find a safe home to dwell amidst.

If you have just been in a horrible argument with someone you care deeply about who was intoxicated and said horrific untrue things or hurt you in any way, drown your heart in utter humility and forgiveness. You are innocent and you are never ever ever ever the source of another’s pain, no matter what was said, no matter what was accused, no matter what voiced. Right this moment the only thing God is doing is embracing you in eternal Love and that truth can serve to comfort your weary, downtrodden heart.

Cry if you need to….let yourself feel numb if you must….but all the while, keep on reaffirming these truths.

Get so very very still and just bathe yourself in the awareness that whatever you need to know, God is communicating that to you. And whatever you will need to know you will at the moment you need to know it.

Right now, all that matters is that you defend the right now all presence of God’s being, shut out anything and everything that is making you feel like a horrible, weak, desperate human, and embrace yourself in an awareness of your integrity.

In truth, the spiritual reality of God’s being is everpresence. And that is where you dwell. You are always in the arms of divine Love.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in her work Science and Health

“In divine Science, where prayers are mental, all may avail themselves of God as ‘a very present help in trouble.’ Love is impartial and universal in its adaptation and bestowals.” (p. 12:31)

When you calm down completely and you’re really sure of that, begin to open thought to the next steps you must take. I’ve been in countless situations where I’m outside in the middle of the night and it’s probably not at all wise to stay right there. I’ve also been in situations where staying within the house setting wasn’t wise either.
Listen for whatever it is you feel impelled to do.

Lean on the presence of Love to guide you, comfort you and show you.

In time the whole tumult will cease, even though that may be difficult to see right now.
In time the smoke of this whole battle will lift and you will feel shepherded out of a tough situation.

All that ever ever ever matters whenever you are feeling desperately alone, afraid, or even helpless is that you make yourself completely conscious of the all presence of God and your immediate—right now—inseparable bond. You can always trust that the divine Mind is communicating to you exactly what you need and governing each and every one of your decisions as you seek to know what to do from a place of wisdom and humility and self preservation.

One of my favorites that rings true in this kind of desperate feeling is the Psalm that reads “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”

You will rise up out of this muck, whatever it is.
You will move on from this pain, no matter how horrible it feels.
You will see the freedom from conflict, no matter how imprisoning it may feel at present.

Lean on God and let that reliance support your footsteps every next step of the way.

At every turn, wherever there is a pull to deny God’s power, shut it out.
You are safe, loved, cared for, guided and absolutely ONE with divine Love.
You are never ever ever alone so don’t buy that suggestion for a moment.

And what’s more, you can always pray—fill your thoughts with an assured awareness of God’s ever present Love and its constant, complete, assured care.

You are so very loved….and safe…..trust it. Lean on it. And be very gentle and forgiving of yourself.

As always, lemme know if you wanna know more. Just send me a comment and tell me how to be in touch.

Much love to you…and be well….Tre

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“But I do not know how to pray…..”

I can remember feeling really guilty because I didn’t know how to pray and didn’t think I was worthy enough to ask God for help. It was the summer just before my junior year in college and I’d accepted a counselor position at a summer camp that nurtures the spiritual growth of youths of all ages . Days before my campers arrived—about a dozen younger teens–I turned to a close friend, pleading with her to teach me how to pray.

She started giggling. “Silly girl. You know how to pray!”
I assured I didn’t. I remember feeling horrible because she said something like “But you always know the right things to say to me when I’m scared about something. What do you mean you don’t know how to pray?”

I’d just started reading a book that’s become a best friend: Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy. The first chapter was about prayer—prayer that heals. In it, Eddy defines prayer as ‘an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding of Him, an unselfed love.” (p. 1)

Further, she describes prayer as a ‘desire which goes forth hungering after righteousness’ (p. 2) or ‘the longing to be better and holier expressed in daily watchfulness and in striving to assimilate more of the divine character.’ (p. 4)
And she also discusses prayer that heals the sick.

For me, at that time in my life, I desperately wanted to understand how to pray for healing. I wanted to be able to pray effectively for myself and my campers if there was some kind of issue that needed resolution.

I said as humbly as I could “Jodi, seriously, how do you pray for healing? I think I’m doing okay with expressing humility and gratitude. I get how to strive to be more loving and patient. But I don’t get how to pray the prayer that heals. I’m sure what I’m doing is wrong. And I’m scared I’m not good enough to really expect God will answer me. I haven’t always been completely morale.” I’d partied a ton my senior year in highschool and even though that was two years prior, I was feeling a ton of guilt. Don’t laugh, but I really thought God was mad at me for partying. I panicked I wasn’t a good enough role model and I felt ridiculously stupid for not knowing how to pray for healing.

I can still hear Jodi’s words as if it was yesterday. “Tre, lovey, just get mentally still and listen for how God is loving you right at that moment. God never judges you! And you’re always innocent in His eyes.”

Something shifted in my thoughts. It’s like I knew it was that simple.
But panick set in again. “But Jodi, I used to smoke and drink a lot!” She burst out laughing again. “Tre! Who didn’t? We’ve all done stuff like that. Cut yourself some slack girl. God’s not holding it against you! You have always been and will always be worthy of His love and you know enough to help your campers feel that love too!”

And she bounded off. And I sat there, looking out onto the shores of Long Lake in Harrison Maine feeling completely liberated.

Of course God wasn’t holding anything against me. It wasn’t even the smoking and drinking that I felt wrong about. I’d let go of that guilt. It was deeper than that. It was believing for a time that some kind of material substance would satisfy me moreso than deepening my spirituality. And even though I’d stopped a while before, I still felt like God was mad at me. Jodi’s brief reminder was a good wake up call.

I went back to my cabin. The campers weren’t arriving for a few hours. I opened Science and Health to this passage: “We should examine ourselves and learn what is the affection and purpose of the heart, for in this way only can we learn what we honestly are.”…and another “If we feel the aspiration, humility, gratitude, and love which our words express,–this God accepts;” (S&H p. 8)

I knew I yearned to live fully the true spiritual substance of my being. And I knew that I wanted my campers to understand the nature of God’s love and their own wholeness and self worth. Surely this pure motive was a prayer. I felt it. And more, I was healed of all anxiety about my role with these campers.

That summer would prove pivotal in numerous ways. Not only would I develop meaningful relationships with my campers and fellow counselors, some of which I still share today, but also I would realize something extraordinary about prayer: every single one of us may avail ourselves of the healing power of prayer, no matter what our past reveals, no matter what our upbringing, no matter what our faith.

Through my study that summer right on up to the present of Mary Baker Eddy’s Science and Health, I’ve learned that prayer is the most natural inclination we have because it involves a deep inner yearning to know and do the will of God. No one is excluded from this knowing, ever. No one is ever unable to feel the healing presence of divine. Why? Because in truth, each one of us is the expression of God’s being. Prayer simply lets us pause thought and realign ourselves to our innate wholeness, goodness, and integrity. And anyone can learn how to pray this way.

Eddy opens her work with the following life transforming assertion:
“The prayer that reforms the sinner and heals the sick is an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding, an unselved love.” (p. 1) She first published this work in 1875, more than 132 years ago at a time when women weren’t acknowledged to have worthy opinions worth sharing publically, let alone in a book.

The bulk of her focus in this book defines the true nature of God and man’s inseparable relationship. And she instructs the reader why a genuine understanding of God/man’s real spiritual nature enables you to overcome any challenge you may be experiencing, no matter what the issue, no matter what your background or history.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning how to pray, anyone seeking healing, anyone striving to make their spirituality practical.

And if you have any questions as you’re reading, just shoot me a comment and let me know how to be in touch with you.

Check back soon for more about how to pray for healing.

Til the next one, be well and happy praying….Tre 🙂

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Aching over losin’ him (or her)…

This morning while walking my dog, I thought about a conversation I had with a close friend recently.
“I can’t lose him, Tre. I don’t know how I’d live without him.”

She spoke of a boyfriend who recently told her he didn’t see a future for them. She was heartsick because she thought for certain that he was ‘the one.’ Her words were all too familiar and reminded me of a time when I feared the same ache.

I comforted my friend as best as words would allow at that moment. I held her hands, hugged her close and said to her, “You know, divine Love never rejects you, never says goodbye, never walks out that door toward something supposedly more wonderful. You can never be separated from that Love honey. Why? Because you are it’s very expression. And that alone is completing you right this moment.”

She looked back at me with genuine receptivity. And then she voiced another all too familiar concept. “But Tre…..I don’t wanna end up alone. I want a marriage, I want children. I want to be a wife and a mother.”

At that moment, I knew that words could only comfort so much. And so I offered to pray and support her (I practice Christian Science healing as a profession) and she agreed.

It’s a familiar feeling to many: this concept that what we desire to have we must go out and find. And that without a significant other, we will be left alone without the things we very much want: marriage, parenthood, the experience of family.

But, at best, this mortal view of life—that the things we cherish are externals outside of us–will find us experiencing emotional ups and downs—joys when we have certain ‘things,’ sorrow when those ‘things’ are removed.

Yet, in truth, all we ever yearn for is within—because what we are hoping for is the qualities those ‘things’ represent. The key is in figuring out what is the essence of the thing hoped for and then learning how to cultivate this essence in your life.

Now bare with me. I hear so many reading this gawking, ‘Hey woman, there ain’t no way I include a husband or a wife within me. I’ve gotta go out and find him/her.”

I hear you. And I know that’s what I used to think for a really long time. But trust me when I offer this: to the degree you strive to really take a look inwardly at what that socalled ‘exterior’ thing represents and wrap your mental arms around what you’re really desiring, you’re gonna see that what you desire you already have the means to express. And by actively expressing this wholeness and completeness, there’s no telling the joy and fulfillment your life will begin to experience. Or what you will draw unto you.

A favorite author, Mary Baker Eddy, discusses it this way in Science and Health:
“Metaphysics resolves things into thoughts and exchanges the objects of sense for the ideas of soul.”(p. 269:9) And she asserts “Man is the image of Love; he is not physique. He is the compound idea of God, including all right ideas;” (p. 475:13-15).

So I pray a lot with this concept: that man is already spiritual, including all right ideas. And I seek to define what that ‘object of sense’ I’m desiring really is—and I work in thought to defend that I already include it. And in my work, I do the same for others.

Take for example this deep yearning for a husband and marriage my friend desired. Surely, in its deepest sense, the husband she yearns for is a sense of constant companioning, assured security, a guaranteed mutually reciprocated expression of love, a constant source of comfort, support, and friendship.

Pause for a moment and consider this: ya think those are pure concepts to desire?
Surely, absolutely. Sharing our lives is one of the most natural expressions of our being.

But pause again and consider this: does she—does ANYONE—need to wait another moment to feel ‘companioned’? …assured security? …perpetual reciprocity of love?
No, not for a single ‘nother moment….

Why?

Because the source of that love being sought is not in another person. The source of the love we already possess is divine, the very substance of our being.

How?

Because in a very tangible way, each one of us—our true nature and essence—is the expression of the Divine Love that is God.

Right this moment you and I are the idea of God, Love, and right this very moment, each one of us includes all the love we could ever possibly need or want to share.

So how is that true if you’re feeling empty, alone, afraid, or your life is not partnered with a spouse or significant other?
Because you share a perpetual, eternal relationship with God, the very core of your being.

What’s needed then isn’t to go out and ‘find’ anyone really.
What’s needed is to defend this relationship, that your relationship to the divine is active, alive, prosperous and that nothing can make you unaware of the love that is already pouring forth all that you will ever need. As you do this, not only will you find yourself feeling more complete, but opportunities to express this will occur as well.

“But how’s doing what you’re talking about gonna guarantee he/she sticks around? How’s this type of prayer gonna change his/her mind. I don’t wanna lose him/her.’

Okay. I hear you. And I sooooo know what you’re feeling.

But pause and open thought up a bit more:
The guy …or the gal….is not NOT what you are really yearning for.
This is maybe the toughest things I’ve had to learn, especially when I really, REALLY think that one guy is hands down the one I wanna partner with for the rest of my life.

It’s NOT about him.
It’s NOT about her.

No one person is slated for us… ‘meant’ or ‘destined’ to be ours.
None of us possess another….we never have….we never will.

What you are drawn to, what you are wanting to companion with forever are the qualities you adore and are attracted to in that precious one.

But the guy or the gal—they are not the source of those qualities.

I know…..I hear you saying ‘But I love him. I don’t wanna live without him.’ Just as my friend cried on my shoulder…just as I’ve felt so much about a certain one.

But open thought a bit more: It’s not ‘the him’ or ‘the her’ you are wanting.
It’s what they are living—expressing—being—and how you are responding to that.

Get it down to qualities. You ALREADY—right now, this very moment, possess the qualities you are attracted to in this dear one you love.

In a very tender way, you are being cared for, supported and loved right this very moment. And even though it may feel that you’re about to lose or did lose someone you didn’t want to live without, what is right for someone’s journey can not deplete us of an ounce of good or love.

To be sure…..God, divine Love, the source and essence of your existence, is already outpouring to you all the Love you will ever need. And as you cultivate an awareness of this, you will feel a sense of oneness and completeness. You will be able to open your thought and heart up to sharing with whomever is currently in your life and whoever will continue along with you and whoever you have yet to meet.

This absolutely about cultivating a life practice that seeks to defend and prove how much you are already loved, companioned, secured, protected, adored, complete.

Everything we seek from a sense of pure honest motives, is already a part of our lives. What’s needed isn’t someone or something. What’s needed is to cultivate an awareness of the fullness of what our being already includes right now.
~~~~~~~~
There was a time in my life I was an emotional desert. Someone I deeply loved and shared some of the truest exchanges of companionship I’d ever known felt convinced he needed to move on. His decision was so shocking and horrifying to me I think I stayed numb for well over a year. Life without ‘him’ was unfathomable. I’ve never cried so much in my life….and less over the guy, more out of how empty I felt without that significant presence to share with day in and day out.

Truth: I think in ways I’m still healing from that pain. But this I know: when I’m authentic and honest with myself: I will always love that one…and I will always yearn for the best for him. BUT, I’ve seen how much of what I loved and adored about him were the qualities and essence of my life that his nature drew out. And I’ve learned how to ‘be’ the Tre I was around him without his constant presence in my life…And the only way I’ve learned how to do this is through digging deep into my thoughts and really asking ‘Hey Tre, what is it that you’re really desiring to partner with? What is it about him you really cherished? How are these essences already a part of your being? How are you already loved?”

Daily I’ve defended my completeness and how much I’m already loved by God and how much my life is already an expression of this love. And while there’s not currently another ‘one’ that I’m companioning with, there are many. ☺ And I’m not meaning I’m dating a ton of guys. What I’m meaning is I’m finding ways to share my love with others in ways that really feeds me. And I know full well that if my journey is meant to include more of an intimate sharing with someone, that will be there. But without that right now, I’m no longer feeling empty or alone or afraid or worse, unloved.

So I hear you. I know what it feels like to so wanna partner with one person in particular. And to you I say hold on….hold onto your heart…dive deep within to defend the oneness or inseparable relationship you already share with divine Love. And seek to live out the essence you think you’re pining for. You are this moment already complete, fully loved, companioned and wedded to joy, strength, courage, honesty, purity, intelligence, and love. Live these. Really live this essence.

And if you wanna talk more about how to pray for yourself to feel this wholeness or if you wanna talk more about how I can pray for you to feel this sense, just send me a comment.

You are more than okay. You are complete..this moment…through and through.

Sending you heaps of love and hope and joy, Tre

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Motherin’ me

She raced from the golf-cart into the store for their closeout sale, hoping to find some bargains. “Makes sense,” I voiced out loud in an effort to silence that voice within that argued she didn’t need any more clothes and surely didn’t need to be doing this now, not on Mother’s Day, not when I’d flown in unannounced to see her.

I reminded myself that I had surprised her, that it was natural for her to go about her routines just as she would if I wasn’t there. But this line of reasoning wasn’t working. Watching her run to find that ‘must have,’ I felt somewhat abandoned, and quite frankly, kinda bummed.

Although I’d landed 48 hours prior, we had yet to really share a meaningful one to one. Between my efforts to accompany her to already scheduled commitments, to carving out solo moments for my own work, I hadn’t realized I was wanting some heart to heart sharing, not until that moment. I guess I’d become so accustomed to just ‘doing what mom does’ when i come down to visit. But I was beginning to think ‘us time’–real mutual sharing, probably wasn’t gonna happen. I drifted into that familiar yet uncomfortable sense of being a peripheral, extended piece of her life, part of the background scenery, there for the view.

My thoughts clamored:
“I don’t get it. I fly in, expect to share some solid mother/daughter moments, and she’s ditching me for shopping. She has yet to ask me anything about me. What the heck! Why do I bother?” The little girl in me cried out for comfort. The adult woman in me exploded in self justification. Neither voice soothed. I wanted out.

Walking toward the bougainvilla bushes, while I gazed at their petals’ magenta hues, I began to pray. I sought to feel the actual presence of divine Love, God, and my inseparable bond with this Love. Whenever I prayed, I was able to calm down and cultivate an awareness of God’s being. Not much else heals the deep void I feel if I feel empty, alone, disconnected, or a part of someone’s peripherals. It’s something I’ve been doing for a while now, ever since I began studying the ideas in Science and Health, by Mary Baker Eddy , a book I recommend to anyone interested in learning how to make spirituality practical.

So, as I was able, I took a long pause and made myself get still. And then, just as you’d go and clean out a closet or sort the dirty clothes, I dug deep into my thoughts to sift out all that bantered and argued..you know, the ‘me stuff muck’:
“Why is she doing this to ME?”
“Why isn’t she asking ME anything about my life?”
“Why does she always make ME feel invisible?”

Now from an objective view, anyone observing my mother’s actions would not be concluding ‘oh that poor woman. Her mother went shopping, how horrible, and just left her there, what a neglectful mother.’

So as I prayed, I aimed to squelch, all this ‘me stuff muck.’
I knew that even amidst a scenario where I felt wronged, I was at that moment being loved, cared for, nurtured, upheld. The divine consciousness that each one of us exists within never bounds off, never abandons or neglects, not for the slightest moment. I defended that since I was an idea of this divine Mind, or God, I could express compassion instead of anger, understanding instead of frustration, forgiveness instead of resentment. In fact, this more divine nature was my inherent right to defend and prove every moment, day in and day out. I had every right to fight off any sense of self–the ‘me stuff muck’ that robbed my connectedness to this all presence of the divine. And in turn, I could right at that moment feel valued, supported, worthy, needed. In short, I could feel “mothered” right there, standing by the bougainvillas.

The more I prayed, the more I saw that neither one of us, nor anyone really, can fall victim to the blaring arguments of self and human ego. My awareness of the presence of Love can not be fipped upside down and me made to feel frustrated, alone, or empty. Such claims are not coming from God’s view. Instead, the more I strive to feel the presence of Love and let that fill my thoughts, all opposing feelings dissipate. And with it, gone is all sense of neglect, feeling invisible, and resentment toward my mom.

I was thrilled actually for this calm knowing. In fact, I found such a sense of peace as I really looked at the tropical foliage surrounding me—balmy palm trees, bougainvilla bushes, bursting blooms of birds of paradise. The beauty of this natural oasis reminded me of the very real and tangible proofs of God’s motherin’ me…always.

In that very instant of feeling peace, I heard ‘Honey, I miss you! I don’t need to shop. I just wanna be with you.” Maybe 10 minutes passed since she’d gone into the store. And the next thing I knew, she peeled around the corner in the golf cart, told me to jump in, and we headed off into the rest of our afternoon.

Now surely I’m not saying that my prayer made my mother drop her agenda. But I am saying this spiritual reasoning healed my sense of feeling alone and rejected and it filled me with compassion for my mother which healed my sense of willful resentment toward her.

“The good in human affections must have ascendancy over the evil and the spiritual over the animal, or happiness will never be won.” (Science and Health, p. 61: 4) While simply a brief glimpse of the impact of this kind of praying, Mary Baker Eddy’s words in Science and Health are a constant nudge to keep me striving to carve out my oneness with God.

So this endeavor to dive into thought, sift through all the ‘me stuff muck’ and carve out ‘us time’ with the divine consciousness not only made me feel mothered right at the moment I needed to, but once again proved to have a huge impact on my day. I was reminded yet again how doable it is to ‘mother me.’ 🙂

If you want to discuss this article further or have any questions about the ideas I’ve presented, just email a comment and we can dialogue further that way.

‘Til the next sharing, enjoy your journey….thought by thought.
Much peace and be well, Tre ☺

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The ice is melting

I wonder if the flowing waters beneath the iced over surface of a frozen river ever react in utter resistance to the warming temperatures, glaring in shocked reaction:

“Wait! I’m not ready to be yet again exposed. I do not want anyone to see my real whole self, the beauty of my heart, the genuine fluid nature to my flowing being.…Wait! I do not know that I am ready to be so open and available yet again for another season of being used, sailed on, swam in, rowed through! …
Wait! Please, how will I know if they’re really celebrating me for the mighty wonderful river that I am? Wait! Please, just a few more months of cold, icy, hardened surface. Life is so much safer that way. I can dance without being seen. Be still beneath the rough edges. Wait! Please….I’m not ready!!!”

But in truth, with the coming of spring, it’s inevitable, the ice melts away exposing the wonder of the river yet again. I know. I just jogged along the Charles yesterday. And there she was. Flowing and reflecting the sun’s light in harmonious splendor. I’ve missed her. I wonder if she knows that.

And as I paused and thought about that along her edge, I found myself asking the same question: Am I ready to melt the hardened surface that’s encaved my heart for so many months now? And I’m ready to let people ‘in’ again? To let them see whatever they’re able to, inspite of my intense fear they will once again not see me for who am I? Maybe that is part of the wall I must let go…expecting that I won’t be seen. But am I ready?

So here’s the next ‘layer’ I’m trying to shed (see first post: ‘Taking off ‘dem boots and dancin’). I’m trying to let down that icy wall that’s hidden my heart.

But…again, am I ready? It’s an important question I’m asking myself of late. Especially since I’m growing weary and weak of harboring this distance between myself and my fellow man. You see, enough times feeling used, mistreated, taken advantage of, or simply ‘not seen’ and yeah, I suppose anyone would justify hardening their outer shell and preventing a glimpse of their real self.

Take one look around you during any given day. How many people you walk by, pass up on the street, drive by and don’t acknowledge. Or when’s the last time you actually stopped and listened for a response when you said ‘Hey, how ya doin’ to the person you passed by?

Now, I’m not writing to size anyone up, I’m rather joining hands with you. We all build up walls of some kind and we all have justifiable reasons for doing so. But I’ve had to ask myself of late whether living like I have been is really working for me…and quite honestly, the answer is no.

Yet still, if I sat down with you and told of you all the times I’ve been misjudged by family or loved ones, all the times I’ve been shunned, booted out of someone’s life, dissed, even at times abandoned, well, you might wonder why I even bother. And I’m sure I could sit down with you and hold your hands and hold you as you told me of your own war wounds. And while sometimes it feels comforting on the surface to vent about our pasts, I’ve had to ask myself of late, “Hey Tre, is this getting you any further along where you want to go?”
And I’ve had to answer quite honestly no.

For where I seek “to go” is to be true to my heart. And being true to my heart means that I resolve to daily live out my oneness—my inseparable relationship to God, divine Love. And for me that means to take each one of my thoughts and weigh them and see whether or not each one of my thoughts, each one of my feelings, is rooted and based and grounded in unselfed love, genuine goodness and forgiveness.

And you know what? The only thing that holds a wall up around my heart is the exact opposite of these feelings—all the stuff defended by self will, self justification.

Picture a brick wall: layer upon layer of resentment, anger, bitterness, broken-heartedness, even apathy. It would seem fitting that if self will and self justification continued reigning in my heart, I’d have a very stale, linear, cold, static, unfeeling existence. (Aha! Maybe this is why I’ve wanted to ‘move’ out of the neighborhood I live in–typical row upon row of brownstones in Boston)…In fact, a real look at the wall I’ve built up makes the layer of ice covering the Charles River more like a sheer layer of fabric! ☺

What’s helping me break through this wall is to defend that as a child of God, my innate tendency is to love without conditions the true man of God’s creating, including my own good-hearted tendencies. I truly believe each one of us is innately innocent and pure, inspite of the fallible tendencies and emotional misgivings we each may express from time to time.

So working and praying along these lines, when I’ve wondered why a certain loved one treated me horrifically, I’ve tried to forgive that person. When I’ve been pulled to resent another loved one’s criticism of my work, I’ve instead filled my heart with a sense of compassion for inhibitions that result from not understanding differences. When I’ve heard echoes of verbal attacks from loved ones, again I’ve sought to really see those loved ones as God does, in their pure, spiritual selfhood. And in each instance, as I’ve filled up my own thoughts with the unique individuality each one expresses, I’ve been able to see them in their true light and splendor instead of remembering that angry persona they exhibited momentarily. And this has helped me forgive each one, and love them more fully, completely, genuinely.

Believe me, this effort demands constant prayer and a perpetual willingness to pray through the pain even when it feels I can’t see my way.

A favorite author, Mary Baker Eddy, has a helpful promise in her work Science and Health. She states
“Human affection Is not poured forth vainly, even though it meet no return. Love enriches the nature, enlarging, purifying, and elevating it. The wintry blasts of earth may uproot the flowers of affection, and scatter them to the winds; but this severance of fleshly ties serves to unite thought more closely to God, for Love supports the struggling heart until it ceases to sigh over the world and bgins to unfold its wings for heaven.” (p. 57: 22)

See, the nature of God, divine Love, is constantly accessible to each one of us. In truth, we each express this nature 24/7. It’s just the muck of self will and human ego that clouds our view of this tendency in ourselves and in others. So for now, as I pray to be true to my heart, and to see the real nature of my fellow man, my own wall is melting….in spite of my own pleas every now and again to hold it up there. Sure, it may have felt safe to hide behind a thick layer of ice, but it’s never really felt honest or innocent. I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing. But if I’m gonna look anything like the Charles, I can expect a lot of shimmering reflected light. ☺
Til the next sifting… feel peace and be well, Tre

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