Healing anger when someone betrays you

Hey….probably good to write every now and again while I’m in the midst of praying my way instead of blogging once I’ve found my way through.

Tough news is just that: tough. No way around it. Not gonna cover it up. It can break your heart. It can make you angry. It can make you fall apart and wanna cave it for a good…..long……while.

I got some really tough news recently. Really tough.

I’m angry, hurt, bitter, feel betrayed and used, like I wanna scream. Someone I love has been hurt and my heart is tearing up inside.

I know right this moment I MUST make make a choice. Either get control of these emotions and the reality of what’s going on or they will control me. Either wallow around in this anger as justified as my ego argues, or establish in thought right this moment what is governing and ruling the hour and respond to THAT.

Sure, my ego is screaming. But more importantly, I am already fully aware of the calm, strong currents of Divine Love and its creation. And the duty of the moment is to shift thought THERE.

How? How can I or you or anybody push passed the emotions when you feel self justified? By taking a stand for reality..that is spiritual.

Mary Baker Eddy has helped me understand this a lot. She writes a ton about thought….how to train it and manage it..in Science and Health. A fave line states “Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good and the true and you will bring these into your experience proportionably as to the occupancy of your thoughts.”

So with this situation then, my thought immediately reaches out.
I ask “What’s the enduring, the good and the true that I can hold to right this moment? What is really going on?”

The enduring….what is lasting…is the simple yet profound fact of the divine Being..God..and His idea..man….held inseparably in a panoply of Love. The only thing EVER going on is this conscious activity of Love being itself and expressing itself as creation…including you and me. None of us ever fall from this divine stronghold. None of us ever are separated for a moment from it.

Any human circumstance that suggests otherwise can be seen as the misrespresentation of this spiritual fact.

It really boils down to: what are you going to believe is really going on

Go back to that question….What’s enduring? what’s good? what’s true?

I’ve written a bit on the enduring.

What’s good and what’s true?

Good is the very nature of God and hence of man’s real character.

What’s true is the essence of that nature. Man is innocent, tender, loving, compassionate, strong, honest, obedient and principled.

So in praying, I defend this. It’s like getting into thought and refusing to believe the material picture as the truth of someone’s character. A mirage always seems real until you get up closer. There’s no water there. Same with personalities and character.

Working and praying like this demands you shift from reading the material picture to discerning the spiritual fact…to wrap our thoughts around reality…and defend the true nature of God and man even amidst the scenario where so much is arguing its opposite

You have to lift your thought OUT of the present situation blaring in your mind of what just happened by someone else to the person you love….You have to lift thought up to DEFEND with all your heart and soul and mind WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON IN REALITY.

I’m not saying ‘deny that this wrong doing occurred.’

I am saying forgive, love through it, because you defend the true nature of someone’s spirituality.

Now on the surface, this doesn’t erase the shock and pain of the circumstance. But it keeps thought off the pull to condemn, slander, or ridicule. It keeps thought out of the anger and hatred. Mind you, whenever anyone does anything that’s self centered, he or she ends up punishing themselves because he or she has to face their own thinking.  And while I hope for someone’s immediate wake up call to see the wrong that’s been done and to apologize for it and change his or her ways, sometimes we don’t see that change of thought. But we can still defend the true nature of man is steering that person’s behavior.

This is hard stuff sometimes….to defend another’s truth. Much argues against doing so. Much will try to sway you to feel justified in being angry at another. But it doesn’t help. Anger or resentment will never bring healing.

Reality is spiritual–Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health. That doesn’t negate the realness of our now experience. But it does require that we lift it out of just the physical realm. The current of Truth is ALWAYS AT WORK….lifting thoughts up, redeeming MOMENTS, and helping each one of us forgive, forgive, forgive.

Why forgive when there’s so much wrong that’s been done?

Well, bring that question back home: have YOU ever done something you regretted that hurt another? Were you conscious you were hurting someone else and did it anyway? Too many of us can say yes to that question and I don’t care if it’s you scraped off the icing off the top of the cake your mom just made your sister for her birthday (true story I was a chubbo 8 year old and snuck sweets anywhere I could find them). …or if it’s worse….if it’s befriending someone you know is in the midst of another relationship to be a source of comfort to that person…all the while you justify you’re just being a friend to them and yet you know in your heart you’re falling for them and you end up really hurting yourself…(yep, another true story, happened when I was in college)….or even still more recently, I had to go silent for a while and just cut myself off from family for a while to get some ducks in a row that I needed to without a lot of unsolicited, though well meaning opinions…this hurt them much and I knew it would. But I had to take care of me….more on that later.

So see, I surely just thought of those 3 things right here sitting here without a whole lot of thought and there’s probably hundreds more I could write about…..We each have done things without intentionally trying to hurt someone else ……

So it’s vital in thought to steer it and keep it on what is true…that the presence of Love is the only atmosphere I dwell in or anyone else dwells in. That right at this moment, all of us are being influenced only by that which is honest, pure, genuine, and unselved. That at any moment, if our actions seem to stray, that we are not lost or victimized. That at any moment, anyone can be freed from a misinfluence or misunderstanding of his or her true nature.

It would seem that loneliness or rejectedness or feeling like a failure would dominate thought and lead it to commit acts that are foreign to our inclinations. But knowing this tendency, if someone’s actions do fall far from what you’d otherwise expect, you can and I can have compassion toward them and just keep holding their truth up in thought as we think of them: that this individual is a child of God and reflects only the substance of Love, of Truth, and as such is a wholely good and loving individual.

Defending reality will free your thought up from thinking any one individual is an evil doer. Evil is never the person …it is simply a mass of wrong thoughts that for a moment dominate another. But it is never that person’s true character or nature…..
Bare with me as it may seem I’m rambling.
This is the work of the hour that really matters…to heal and renew all of our thoughts about another. To lift thought out of the muck of judgement, criticism, attacking slander. And to keep thought on the truth of someone’s spirituality.

So as I do this in my own thinking, my anger lessens. And I begin to hold in thought only the true nature of this other one’s character. And this healing influence does settle my anger.

It will take more times praying like this….I know….to completely once and for all heal the sting that that anger and resentment try to persuade. But I will keep on. Because I know that all of us are Love’s creation. None of us intentionally wake up to harm another. And all of us can be freed from misinfluences. And most importantly, if we’ve been wronged by another, all of us can feel the healing comfort of divine Love’s embrace. That is our right. And it’s worth every ounce of our thought in defending.

More soon……

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A sponge, some pinesol, an ipod…and a renewed thought

Whenever it rains, I feel impelled to refresh my surroundings…..like overhauling the work area in which I write and read. Nature gets a cleasing, time for me to give the same to my surroundings. This morning was like that.

I got up, fixed a bucket of some cleaning solution and began to rain on the space where I work. But further, I decided to clean my mental surroundings as well. That’s right. My thoughts. As I sponge mopped the floors, I opened up my thoughts and began to dust and clean the stuff that’s been lingering around far too long. Stuff that’s made me feel indecisive, weak, and mentally unproductive.

And just like you gotta get on hands and knees sometimes to clean under the rugs or furniture, sometimes you gotta also dig deep into thought to give it an overhaul. You gotta come face to face with what’s stagnating you, keeping you down, or holding you in a point of indecision (or whatever other kinda low feeling you have).

Okay. So this morning I cleaned up the technology debate: keep the nano and just get a free phone upgrade or get the iphone.

I know I know…sounds like a simple debate.

Reality check: it’s been going on in thought for well over 8 months now.

I’m not kidding.

Gulp.

It was last fall that I purchased the nano simply cuz my old ipod (the first one) conked out. Actually, my first generation ipod conked out early 2007 but for about 7 months I toyed with finding a techno guru to fix it. So what did I use for portable music that whole time? My cd player. Yes, I know I know. Gasp. Gawk. Shock and awe. It’s true. I was the only woman jogger adorned with a white plastic pancake looking flying saucer seeming object playing an actual CD, 12 to 13 songs at best. Golly we become attached to carrying around our playlists and hundreds upon hundreds of song options, don’t we?! Almost unthinkable to jog any other way! I mean what if you decide amidst Enya’s or Loreena’s ballads you just gotta hear Journey’s Wheel in the Sky or Styxx’s Lorelei? And what if you opt out of that 70s decade to revisit your buds from college like Love and Rockets or the Church? What was I thinking limiting myself to the one CD at a time player?

Truth? I didn’t know which size ipod to get for this next one. I mean 3 years since the first one and now there’s nanos of all sizes and the 8 gig and 16 gig. I just didn’t know! So rather than go experiment, ask around or read reviews, I got mentally caught up in indecision and just did the easiest: nothing.

Note to reader: don’t ever think doing nothing solves anything. It doesn’t. It creates patterns and patterns of rumination. And just try to put the decision on the back burner. It’s not a done deal and it’s always boiling over in thought to remind you “hey, you, antequated awkward looking jogger woman over there. Ya ain’t done with me yet. I’m boiling over here and you gotta make a decision. So what’s it’s gonna be toots? Nano or 8gig? Make a decision already!”

(I tried just turning the burner down. Doesn’t work. Even sizzling, that indecision still cackles away and reminds you you’ve not decided yet!) My dad always taught me: indecision is still a decision and gets you nowhere. Thanks Dad. Time for me to finally learn this I think. 🙂

So here I was cleaning this morning, remembering all of this mental debate, remembering finally buying the nano last fall, remembering I still haven’t fixed the original ipod, remembering too that now my cell phone is on the brink. And before I knew it, I was listing pros and cons in my mind about keeping the nano and getting a simple new cell phone or upgrading to an iphone and using my nano in the car.

Ugh. I felt heavy again. I felt indecisive again. I felt the weight of too many unknowns paired against an unwillingness to take on yet another technology debate. But worst of all, I felt incapacitated by the condemning thoughts ruminating in my mind:

“You don’t know enough about this new iphone technology to warrant the expense. You’re not a techno mind. You won’t be able to figure it out. You’ll break it. You’ll spend too much money and make a huge mistake.” And on and on.

I stopped sponge mopping. I had to. I was cleaning the same area around and around and going nowhere in my cleaning or my thinking. That’s what indecision does. It stagnates and paralyzes and really tries to stunt our growth. I was done with the mental debate. Time to calmly get still and pray–the ONLY thing I’ve found that not only silences the mental sabotage but frees you up so that you can make a good, productive decision.

I had to get into my thoughts and figure out the truth from the muck..the substance from the crap. The reality from the lies.

So I started reasoning this way. I knew that I was starting from the standpoint of being at one with God, the divine Mind, the all present and all knowing intelligence. As an idea of this mind, as its very expression, I knew that I had the wisdom, intellect, and ability at any moment to know what next step to take, whether that next step be more research and inquiry or whether that next step be to table the options, or whether that next step would be to actually purchase the iphone.

I was not a weak, inept, uneducated woman. I may not have all the insight I wanted, but I knew how and where to find it. I calmed down. That’s the pattern with aggressive condemnation. It’s never rationale. All its arguments can be silenced because they never treat you as an expression of the divine Mind. But you are and I am. And we never have to feel inadequate or incapable– ON ANY LEVEL.

None of us are ever starting from the standpoing of weakness or stupidity or frailty or naivete. Nope. Each one of us with any pending decision is starting from the standoint of being already right now an idea of the divine Mind with full complete access to clear, logical, right thinking.

What helps to hear the right choice or right decision is to first silence all that sabotages and condemns. And defend instead the all presence of the divine Mind and your immediate connection to this. Right now at this moment, Mind is everywhere, knowing, thinking, and doing all that is right, good, real and true. And right now, this moment, you are an idea of this Mind. And right at this moment, I am an idea of this Mind. So that means that I have and you have right this moment all the wisdom, intellect, reason, and awareness to take the steps to make a good decision. This is simply a spiritual fact.

All that is saying otherwise, all that is criticizing or condemning is not true. Shut it out. When you do, thought frees up to hear next steps that are logical easy and simple.

In my case, there was lots of technological questions I had. And as I shut out the sabotaging, I stilled my thoughts enough to sit down to the computer and start doing internet searches to read reviews of the nano and iphone. And within a short while I’d learned what I wanted to and knew what choice to make.

For me, the healing was in refusing to listen to the condemning accusations. And as I did that, thought opened up and dismay, discouragement, and fear of making a poor decision—all of this just fell away.

Keep at it. It gets easier. The chiseling may seem ongoing for a time. But the sculpture of you is there emerging gently.

Leave a comment, shoot an email or gimme a call if you wanna chat about any of this any further, kay?

Be well….happy sculpting….Tre ☺

Sculpting thoughts….

Think about it….every moment we are thinking. Every moment we are each living out what we are thinking….always our innermost thoughts guide our every step and whatever’s on our mind at that moment determines our disposition.

Yet how often do we pause, treasure our thought like a beautiful hunk of clay that we can mold and sculpt moment to moment? How often do we pause, observe what’s in thought trying to impose itself on the clay, and refuse to allow it to take form?

A while ago, I learned of the possibilities…that in fact I was not a piece of random clay being molded and shaped by other’s paradigms or patterns of thinking (familial, cultural, societal, ecomical, political, ideological, etc).

Rather, I was the artist, the sculptor….able to step back and pause…and evolve a life according to the standard that I held close to my heart…….

What gave me this insight?

A woman named Mary Baker Eddy in the ideas about practical spirituality she illumines her life’s work, a book entitled: Science and Health

And so this blog offers how I’m sculpting and why, lessons I’ve learned along the way, questions I’m contemplating–all shared here in hopes of connecting with other sculptors of thought….or those who want to be….and learning from and with you.

Much of this blog will be me writing the sharings I have and wish to offer. But I’m hoping that it will ignite a desire in you to sculpt your thoughts as well. And if you want to chat about the process or comment on mine, that’s available too, through comments, email, and phone consultation. (see contact info).

So here’s to sculpting…..moment to moment….. thought by thought…chisel by chisel 🙂

Be well and much joy and peace to you, Tre 🙂

The unconditional love of resolve and intent

Resolve and intent ….of late I’ve been thinking of them as true friends…who never let go, never turn their back, never give up.

They linger on…sometimes quietly, with subtle nudges, oftentimes more vocal with firm insistances…but always with supportive, persistent advocacy reminding you to perserveer.

And they both do so with grace, unyielding patience, trust, and knowing.

It’s like they know they’ve got you….They know you won’t and really can’t abandon them. They’re not an old style you pitch or donate. And you can’t craig’s list or ebay ’em. And surely they’re not a passing fad, trend, or phase you’re going through.

Nope. Resolve and intent stick around. Like the companion we probably each pine for….they don’t leave, they never say ‘let’s be just friends’, they don’t neglect, they never reject, never say ‘see ya’ no matter how much you don’t return their phone calls, emails, requests to get together, or how much you resist them. No way to run from them. They’ve kinda gotcha.

Why all this metaphoric writing?

Well, it may sound ridiculous to some, but it’s because of them–my constant companioning with resolve and intent –that i’m even on this page to begin with. Try as i might to run away from them, avoid them, stand them up, neglect or ignore them, they don’t leave. They know better than to be duped by the self condemning wailings that I’ve been misinfluenced by. They know better than to agree with me when I’ve been mistakingly convinced I have nothing worthy of saying. They flat out refuse to agree with the self-absorbed voice of weakness and self pity.

In truth? Resolve and intent are like my spiritual armor I can always rely on, like the most devoted of companions. They won’t let me fall apart and drift into that sea of abyss of self condemnation. And the more I chisel thought as to understand why, resolve and intent are our very true core essence definers if you will. They know our heart of hearts and will defend this inner yearning forevermore…or so it seems.

So how can you distinguish your own inner heart of hearts yearnings and pullings?

Just be honest….just listen….and above all…just let yourself silence all that clamors, pulls, weighs down and sabotages your individuality….all that abuses or disturbs your peace..all that sabotages and attacks your innocence.

How do you do this?

Shut your mental door. Lock it. And refuse to allow into your thoughts anything and everything that tears you down. I don’t care if it’s banging the door down and trying to break in. I don’t care if it’s coming in the guise of your mom’s voice, your dad’s voice, your boyfriend’s, husband’s, boss’, brother’s, sister’s or friend’s voice…and it doesn’t matter a bit more if it’s knocking on the door of thought as your own voice.

Whatever is clamoring for attention and acceptance, if it’s condemning and sabotaging, is not true. And you owe it nothing. You owe it nothing. YOU OWE IT NOTHING. Not a peek, not a glance, not a whisper, not one word. You owe nothing to this would be condemner.

Rather do you owe everything to carving out your resolve and intent…the inner most you…your real yearnings and heart to heart pullings. These are your true substance, your true essence, your spirituality. And these deserve your defending and proving, your advocating and living. Be who they are pulling you to be. Because this innermost core you is the truth of your being. And as you sculpt your thoughts and carve off the muck that counters your resolve and intent, your true essence will shine. And your resolve and intent will rule the moment…..thought by thought.

I’ll leave off with a poem I first read as a child. It’s called “Life Sculpture”….you’ll see why….enjoy! and don’t forget to leave a comment or be in touch another way if you wanna chat more about any of the above…..and as always…thank you for reading…and happy sculpting! 🙂 ….Tre ~

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Life Sculpture, by George Washington Doane

CHISEL in hand stood a sculptor boy
With his marble block before him,
And his eyes lit up with a smile of joy,
As an angel-dream passed o’er him.

He carved the dream on that shapeless stone,
With many a sharp incision;
With heaven’s own light the sculpture shone,–
He’d caught that angel-vision.

Children of life are we, as we stand
With our lives uncarved before us,
Waiting the hour when, at God’s command,
Our life-dream shall pass o’er us.

If we carve it then on the yielding stone,
With many a sharp incision,
Its heavenly beauty shall be our own,–
Our lives, that angel-vision.

The stuff that matters

The stuff that matters….

Hey…..it’s me…writing again……and ever so grateful to be doin so.
I won’t belabor the point…but the gap in time since the last post occurred for a bunch of reasons which aren’t so important.

What matters is this: each one of our voices….each one counts. Each one is invaluable. Each one deserves to be nurtured, cultivated, expressed, shared.

What matters is how you are caring for your voice…how are you nurturing her/him? How are you cultivating her/him? How are you honoring, adoring, celebrating, cherishing, sharing, and not hiding her or him?

Hiding her or him is easy to do. Not much out there encourages your individual expression. MUCH attempts to squelch it, deny it, reshape it, persuade it, change it, alter its appearance/expression….

Much tries to oust it, write it off, ignore it, even silence it.

Don’t let it.

What matters is soooo honoring, adoring, and loving the voice you are that you defend its worth, merit, and right for self expression at all costs.
And let go of any and all relationships that do not support this effort.
You don’t need them. They’re not supporting you. Let them go.

Let go any and all thought that dissuade your right to be you.
Let go of any and all ideas that doubt your worth or deny your individuality.

Take moments to carve out awareness of who you are and what you think and all you wish to say and be.

And then be that you…..moment to moment….thought by thought.

I’m striving to…and bloggin about it here…..and I welcome your perspective and comments and thoughts on your process.

More soon…hugs and luvs for now, Tre ☺