It begins as a quiet knowing, this inner pull. And other times it sounds more like a shouted demand, urgently insisting and forcefully pushing.
The move happens before any of the logistics come into play. You just know you must go….you just know you must leave. And all too often, things happen so quickly you don’t allow yourself to pace with your heart and support yourself through the transition.
This is why I’m writing tonight. I know a move is happening and inevitable for me…and so I’m trying to record the thoughts and feelings and emotions therein so that I can pen and record how I’m sifting through the tugs, the urgencies, the demands, and the pushing and carve out that serenity and stillness rightfully mine that remains unchanged in spite of a changed landscape or logistics.
Being is spiritual. So any true change really occurs in awareness…and it’s more an opening of thought to understanding what’s always been moreso than it is a changing of our character.
So well before any logistical changes ensue, right as I sit here blogging at midnight, I know I can defend that who I am as a woman, as an idea, as a unique individual–this spiritual identiy–is an unchangeable constancy and an unswerving fact.
No condition can alter my individuality.
No situation exterior to me defines my being.
No voice–whether the self critic, an impatient friend, or a well meaning but abrupt family member can cause me to feel an ounce of unsettledness or angst about the coming plans ahead.
Surely, a lot must occur. Surely thought may try to wander. And in those moments, I will write how I’m praying and sculpting stillness just as I am here tonight.
For now though, I am here, in stillness and completeness and fulfilment. And all that is trying to push on thought, all the todo’s all the goals to attain, all the work that lies ahead I need to unpack and dive into, all the ‘i want to achieve this/that/the other’ all of that mental pull will not weigh on me tonight or ever. I know that I can move forward at the pace with which I am to be and accomplish all that will need to be for I’m operating in the present moment. And the divine Mind is thinking and knowing all substance and all being. So this includes me and my journey, you and your journey.
Nothing is unknown right now to that divine Mind so I will know what I need to know as I need to know it.
I can defend this truth and realize that no belief of impatience, willfulness, anxiousness, fear or strife can impose itself into my thinking. There is a shield of integrity barring all that would try to impose ugliness and doubt and fear and condemnations into my thinking and I am safe and clear and strong and full of deep humility to know and stand for my integrity. I know that I can not be duped to believe any of the condemning thoughts, even if they arrive as a socalled inner critic. These are not my thoughts and do not come to do good. And so I do not need to allow them entry into my mental home.
This is so true. We are each safe in our mental home and have the right and freedom to bar our door to all that we would not allow entry.
So this calms me and soothes my heart and I am still. And giddy in fact. For I know that life really is this thought by thought journey to prove the strength and poise and grace and dominion over all the riggomorole of anxiousness, fear, doubt, guilt, or self loathing.
I played with my treasured little friend tonight, my little bichon. I haven’t written about him too much. His name is Berkeley. I held onto him as if I hadn’t seen him in six months. Sometimes even five days feels like a long long while. He was ever so soft and warm in my arms and as I hugged him and held him close he opened his eyes and starred right into mine. That sweet tender look of familiarity is such a welcome home and one I’ve grown to adore.
We played fetch some and I brushed him a lot and smoothed over his fur. He’s such a good dog though in ways I’ve perhaps babied him too much. :)
Indeed, the stillness prevails…The moon is at least 1/2 way aglow…and the night quiet. It’s a peaceful time….pending mental move and all. And I am at peace for the now….
“Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.” (Eddy, Science and Health, p. 260:4)