An unwanted change in a relationship…
A desire to leave the familiar when it’s too painful to live amidst…
A yearning for a new beginning…
Sometimes the urgency you feel to get over hurt, painful feelings keeps us in 5th gear moving full steam ahead.
Heck, with me, I know there’s been a few times I’ve just scaled down to whatever I can fit in my car and hit the road, sometimes driving from one coast til another only stopping because there wasn’t anywhere further west that I could drive.
And while change in scenery, getting rid of stuff, and acquiring new props can alter your surroundings rather quickly, shifts in the heart take a bit longer.
By shifts in the heart, I’m meaning the letting go of loving someone.
So how do you get there? To that place? Where you’ve moved past anger, resentment and pain from being unloved or from not being able to connect with the someone you felt you were in love with?
To me, it’s a moment to moment journey…one that requires not so much a welling up of anger every time you think of him or her…but a willingness to trust that what governs your now propels you into those situations, experiences, and relationships which support you, and sustain your journey every moment.
And so this means that this same influence may cause a natural –even though it doesn’t feel natural—parting of that which doesn’t support you or your journey.
What I continue to see is that often a ‘no’ is really a yes to other things. And this can be a huge comfort when the parting is unwanted or unexpected like a divorce or a break up.
While it takes practice and a disciplining of thought, if you feel overwhelmed with utter emptiness over the thought of not having him or her in your life anymore, try as ever you are able to get still and hush the mental arguing and murmuring in your thinking.
You know…all that stuff that says “I should have been this way or that way” or “he should have done this or that” or whatever….And I’m being really generic here…but you know …all those thoughts that blame, accuse, condemn and most of all, the thoughts that condemn or accuse yourself.
Instead, when thought is still, bathe yourself in the truth that you are whole and complete this moment. You need no one at this moment to complete you or fulfil you. You are not empty, alone, afraid or unworthy of love.
Hug yourself in the knowledge that your very existence is the evidence of divine Love’s care and that each moment you are the expression of its whole being.
Because of this, any and all pangs of loneliness, fear, regret or anger, even though they come to mind as ‘what am I going to do?” or ‘How could s/he do that to me?” or ‘who am I gonna be with now?” or “who am I gonna share my moments with now”—even though the ego wears that disguise, it only gets you to respond because you are right now vulnerable in those areas.
To the degree that you fill yourself full with the simple truth that you are whole now…you are complete now…you are loved this moment and you are cared for and adored this moment, to the degree you allow these truths to flood your awareness, a few things will shift:
a. you will feel less and less pulled down by the suggestions of the ego.
b. you will be convinced less and less that those sentiments are the truth(the fear, emptiness, anger, or regret).
c. you will start to feel a perpetual stillness that completes you and allows you to feel peace within.
In looking back over the last decade, I see where time and again my pain lessened to the degree I applied these lessons. And what’s more, my thoughts reopened to sharing my life in new ways. There wasn’t always a new relationship. Often times I had months of solodom. But never ‘alone-dom.’
More and more I am seeing that while the desire to partner with another is a beautiful hope, the ability to evolve a sense of completeness within as a perpetual being, regardless of whether you’re in or out of relationship, is really key to days filled with a consistent sense of joy and peace.