A shift in perspective offers new views of oneness

An unwanted change in a relationship…
A desire to leave the familiar when it’s too painful to live amidst…
A yearning for a new beginning…

Sometimes the urgency you feel to get over hurt, painful feelings keeps us in 5th gear moving full steam ahead.

Heck, with me, I know there’s been a few times I’ve just scaled down to whatever I can fit in my car and hit the road, sometimes driving from one coast til another only stopping because there wasn’t anywhere further west that I could drive.

And while change in scenery, getting rid of stuff, and acquiring new props can alter your surroundings rather quickly, shifts in the heart take a bit longer.

By shifts in the heart, I’m meaning the letting go of loving someone.

So how do you get there? To that place? Where you’ve moved past anger, resentment and pain from being unloved or from not being able to connect with the someone you felt you were in love with?

To me, it’s a moment to moment journey…one that requires not so much a welling up of anger every time you think of him or her…but a willingness to trust that what governs your now propels you into those situations, experiences, and relationships which support you, and sustain your journey every moment.

And so this means that this same influence may cause a natural –even though it doesn’t feel natural—parting of that which doesn’t support you or your journey.

What I continue to see is that often a ‘no’ is really a yes to other things. And this can be a huge comfort when the parting is unwanted or unexpected like a divorce or a break up.

While it takes practice and a disciplining of thought, if you feel overwhelmed with utter emptiness over the thought of not having him or her in your life anymore, try as ever you are able to get still and hush the mental arguing and murmuring in your thinking.

You know…all that stuff that says “I should have been this way or that way” or “he should have done this or that” or whatever….And I’m being really generic here…but you know …all those thoughts that blame, accuse, condemn and most of all, the thoughts that condemn or accuse yourself.

Instead, when thought is still, bathe yourself in the truth that you are whole and complete this moment. You need no one at this moment to complete you or fulfil you. You are not empty, alone, afraid or unworthy of love.

Hug yourself in the knowledge that your very existence is the evidence of divine Love’s care and that each moment you are the expression of its whole being.

Because of this, any and all pangs of loneliness, fear, regret or anger, even though they come to mind as ‘what am I going to do?” or ‘How could s/he do that to me?” or ‘who am I gonna be with now?” or “who am I gonna share my moments with now”—even though the ego wears that disguise, it only gets you to respond because you are right now vulnerable in those areas.

To the degree that you fill yourself full with the simple truth that you are whole now…you are complete now…you are loved this moment and you are cared for and adored this moment, to the degree you allow these truths to flood your awareness, a few things will shift:
a. you will feel less and less pulled down by the suggestions of the ego.
b. you will be convinced less and less that those sentiments are the truth(the fear, emptiness, anger, or regret).
c. you will start to feel a perpetual stillness that completes you and allows you to feel peace within.

In looking back over the last decade, I see where time and again my pain lessened to the degree I applied these lessons. And what’s more, my thoughts reopened to sharing my life in new ways. There wasn’t always a new relationship. Often times I had months of solodom. But never ‘alone-dom.’

More and more I am seeing that while the desire to partner with another is a beautiful hope, the ability to evolve a sense of completeness within as a perpetual being, regardless of whether you’re in or out of relationship, is really key to days filled with a consistent sense of joy and peace.

Open to Love’s agenda

How fluid and flexible is your life’s agenda?
How open are you to responding to the call that comes for help?

I ask myself these questions pretty regularly.
I strive not to get too ‘staccato’ in my thinking or my actions.
I yearn to be ‘ready’ for the call that comes for help.

And, I used to think I was ready. I used to think I would respond at a given moment’s notice–especially if the call for help came from a family member or another loved one….

And then my sister called me to help her with a move….more of a transition to a new beginning, actually.

And while my initial yes quickly followed with flight arrangements and me traveling to another city, I felt some resistance brewing in my heart.

You see, I’ve been a bit willing to jump at the opportunity to help others and while it’s my nature to say yes to such offers, I’ve been pretty mobile the better part of the last year.

Yet more recently, I resolved to live in an area I adore.
And I am so thrilled with this tropical oasis that– rather ridiculously– I’ve resisted leaving, even to go pay a visit to my dad or mom who each live only a wee few hours’ drive north.

And yet…the latest request wasn’t a permanent change kinda thing. It was simply an offer to come help this transition.

So for a few days now, I’ve been sifting through why I still am resisting being here a bit…I know I’m helping and that feels honest and tender and true….

Last night I considered this feeling.
I’m not causing it.
I want to be here. I want to support my sister this way. I know how much it means to her to have my help but more to the point, I can’t imagine not supporting her transition right now. To me, family is about being there for one another, no matter how tough or ugly or painful it means, no matter how much time it takes. You endure together.

So rather than sift through why I was uncomfortable, I started mentally listing the reasons I’m grateful to be here with her right now:

Sharing lives….hearts…conversations…and hugs….moments where one welcomes another ‘in’…and lives intermingle, exchanging thoughts, feelings, wishes, regrets, fears, sorrows, hopes, dreams…

Days become building blocks of partnered new beginnings.

Check lists of to do’s turn into moments of holding hands and supporting one another.

Defending the spiritual fact of oneness to divine Love … how this spiritual fact comforts and heals any feeling of neglect, unworthiness, or loneliness.

These are just a few of the things inwardly I’ve been valuing about helping my sister at this time….

So why that pit of emptiness, fear within, and something unsettled in my heart?

Well, time and again I’ve seen this pattern: there’s often a pull to push you off track and make you feel a disconnect of some kind.

It’s not a force or a power you create. It’s this belief that you or anyone could become separate from the divine Love that basis your/our being…for a moment…or for an indefinite amount of time.

Whatever regrets….whatever fears….whatever criticizes..whatever upsets…whatever disturbs…whatever unsettles…..any and all of these suggestions in thought, even though they come guised as your own or cloaked in the costume of ‘I feel’ these are simply mental attempts to separate you from a fluid constant perpetual feeling of serenity and peace….of oneness and truth.

And in short, these beliefs do not have to rule the minute, hour, morning or day. They can be resisted and thwarted off by bathing yourself in the reality of your spiritual identity and oneness with the divine.

Knowing this, I knew that the wonkiness I have been feeling about being here has nothing to do with my being here and everything to do with the fact that wherever we are, there will be occasions to fight off that feeling of separateness to divine Love.

So for the past several mornings, as I’ve awoken, I’ve prayed deeply and earnestly to establish my relationship to the divine. I know that there is and always remains this all presence of Love governing, ruling each moment and that I can know and feel at every moment what this agenda is….

Anything that suggests disconnect is not my own thought and is not apart of divine Love’s agenda for me or for anyone, ever.

I know that I can be alert to it’s tendencies and resist entirely its attempt to misinfluence me or persuade me to feel alone or separate or removed from work I should be doing.

I know that my real work is to perpetuate this feeling of oneness and to stand for it and prove it day in and day out. And I know I can be patient even though those wonky feelings were there because I know I didn’t cause them and don’t have to be influenced by them either. My days and moments can be filled with joy and appreciation that I’m here, now, helping another life.

Praying and defending like this has really helped.

Together we’ve been able to sift through a lot of her unwanted stuff and ready up for this estate sale she’s having this weekend.

What’s cool? This morning I felt like I can’t imagine not being here to help with this, to partner our lives, our nows for these days.

I’m sure there will still be more work to do….mentally and otherwise. But my gratitude remains sure, as does my conviction that none of us are ever separate from Love’s agenda and can –at any moment—silence the pull to draw us down.

More than helping my sister’s transition, I’m beginning to see I’m really defending that none of us can ever move out of Love’s care. We simply transition to new and deeper views of the constancy of that permanent relationship!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gimme a holler if you wanna chat further about any of this stuff.
And thanks for reading / sharing this post.

Be well, Tre ☺

The sun is coming out…..

The sun is coming out….

Today was a bit dark and rainy….all day. Kinda like my mood this past weekend. I’ve had a lot of dark moments, a lot of lows. Been really angry and disappointed over someone’s actions. And it’s a time of really feeling like my sense of hope in humanity is really being challenged.

I’ve always sought to find the good in others and surely this hasn’t changed.

Innately, each one of us is an expression of Spirit, of the all loving, all present Being that is the one Mind. Surely we don’t see this character exhibited 24/7 by every human we know let alone ourselves. So choosing to defend that this true nature is the substance of everyone’s character…well some may laugh that this is even an intention or goal I have. But I do and I will keep on striving to defend each person’s spiritual substance, no matter what.

Yet when I feel attacked or when someone I love has been really wronged or harmed, it’s so hard to get past the human emotions of anger and bitterness..of resentment or frustration.

But still I strive and so I must. Because to be influenced by evil never does an ounce of good. …not for myself….not for my sibling…not for the whole of humanity.

I grew up learning the lesson to forgive my enemies. And so I tried to my whole childhood on into adulthood. But back then, I know I had a hard time with this. Because back then I felt like my forgiveness would somehow off them of the wrong they’d done. Like somehow the names they called me or whatever they stole from me (crimes of my elementary peers) was somehow tolerable because I wanted more to be their friend. For years I was taken advantage of I see now because a lot of my peers learned through my behavior that indeed I tolerated verbal abuse. In fact during one 6th grade lunch where the boys were against the girls in this tug of war thing, during my rather chubbier years, I distinctly remember one peer saying ‘Oh, that’s just Tresha the tubbolard. She won’t mind if you call her fat names. We’ve done it so much by now and she’s always your pal in the end.’

Something like that. Oddly enough, this same guy would be my date to the senior prom 6 years later. But what I’m getting to is that in the many years since 6th grade, I’ve learned so much more about the nature of that lesson to forgive your enemies.

To me it’s not at all anymore about growing tolerant of another’s wrong doings. Rather, it’s committing yourself to loving his/her true nature inspite of his/her wrong doing. Forgiveness is like a public affirmation that states “I’m willing to defend your true core and essence and to really love and cherish that about you.’

But here’s what forgiveness is not: it is not tolerance for evil of any kind. It is not weak heartedness that fears standing up for what is principled and what is honorable and what is moral. It is not defending someone’s wrong doing because somehow that wrong doing was justified.

Forgiveness doesn’t even mean you will stay close with another. But it does mean you will defend in your heart of hearts that person’s true substance is spiritual and therefore whole and free from all inclination toward wrongdoing.

The rains have subsided for this evening…and the sun is coming out again at least to share it’s final moments before it sets (and yes, I know, one day I’ll write the truth that the sun really isn’t setting at all, rather is the earth rotating….it just sounds so much more poetic)…and so with that rotation and seemingly setting of the sun, the light is appearing…and so too is it in my heart.

Surely my anger has subsided greatly….surely my frustration and sorrow are subsiding much. And at least for this hour I am finding myself able to move past my anger toward this other and really reach the depth of where I need to be: in cherishing his innate innocence and goodness. For in truth the ray of love he exudes hasn’t ever waned. And so I pray….