Steady on…

Steady On…it’s the name of a fave song of Shawn Colvin’s.

It’s also of late what I keep reminding myself to do…amidst helping out a relative and feeling at times more than ready to be done or at other times wondering why I always say yes to people when they need help.

Hear the ego? 🙂

Today I’m remembering that moment to moment and thought by thought, there’s value in the steady on…in the remembering why you are doing what you’re doing….in recalling your motive and standing by that in spite of tough circumstances or situations you wish were different.

In the end what matters most is the being present in the moment ….being present means you don’t think about what else you could be doing or what could be more beneficial to you and your life right now. Such thinking leads to second guessing your original decision to help a friend or loved one. Staying in the moment, in the right now, helps you thwart off all pulls to think some place would be better when you’ve committed to supporting a loved one through a tough time and helping him/her transition

So how do you stay ‘steady on?’ How do you thwart off all the pulls that say you should be doing something else or oughta be somewhere else, especially when you are feeling you’ve made a worthwhile commitment?

For me ‘steady on’ is remembering that no matter how tough the human condition, the substance of your initial motive–the unselved love and unconditional support that inspired your initial resolve–grounds and sustains. Nothing–no thought or feeling–can usurp the original intent and cause feelings of second guessing of motives. But when these come, and they seem to flood thought often in the midst of striving to do something unselved, you can trust that these thoughts are simply coming as distractors. Whatever impelled the honest, pure, unconditionally loving initial intent cannot do a 180 and make anyone feel their efforts are a waste of time or somehow postponing one’s own personal growth.

And this is important.

Sometimes we may have the best of intentions but half way amidst the doing good, we start to think that maybe this was a mistake. Or maybe we feel undervalued, insignificant or worse that sense of ‘why bother doing this?”

Try as ever once you’ve committed to helping a loved one or a friend, whether for an hour, a day, a week, a month or a year, to stay grounded in the original intent and motive. Your own life can not be somehow put on hold or stagnated because you’ve opted to give of yourself this way.

In her best selling work about practical spirituality, Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy writes “The good you do and embody gives you the only power obtainable.” I love this. I appreciate remembering this.

If honest and pure, unconditional and unselved, there’s no way you will somehow be wasting your moments.

Steady on…thought by thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you wanna chat about any of the ideas above, leave a comment or email me at evolveserenity@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading…be well, Tre ~

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A shift in perspective offers new views of oneness

An unwanted change in a relationship…
A desire to leave the familiar when it’s too painful to live amidst…
A yearning for a new beginning…

Sometimes the urgency you feel to get over hurt, painful feelings keeps us in 5th gear moving full steam ahead.

Heck, with me, I know there’s been a few times I’ve just scaled down to whatever I can fit in my car and hit the road, sometimes driving from one coast til another only stopping because there wasn’t anywhere further west that I could drive.

And while change in scenery, getting rid of stuff, and acquiring new props can alter your surroundings rather quickly, shifts in the heart take a bit longer.

By shifts in the heart, I’m meaning the letting go of loving someone.

So how do you get there? To that place? Where you’ve moved past anger, resentment and pain from being unloved or from not being able to connect with the someone you felt you were in love with?

To me, it’s a moment to moment journey…one that requires not so much a welling up of anger every time you think of him or her…but a willingness to trust that what governs your now propels you into those situations, experiences, and relationships which support you, and sustain your journey every moment.

And so this means that this same influence may cause a natural –even though it doesn’t feel natural—parting of that which doesn’t support you or your journey.

What I continue to see is that often a ‘no’ is really a yes to other things. And this can be a huge comfort when the parting is unwanted or unexpected like a divorce or a break up.

While it takes practice and a disciplining of thought, if you feel overwhelmed with utter emptiness over the thought of not having him or her in your life anymore, try as ever you are able to get still and hush the mental arguing and murmuring in your thinking.

You know…all that stuff that says “I should have been this way or that way” or “he should have done this or that” or whatever….And I’m being really generic here…but you know …all those thoughts that blame, accuse, condemn and most of all, the thoughts that condemn or accuse yourself.

Instead, when thought is still, bathe yourself in the truth that you are whole and complete this moment. You need no one at this moment to complete you or fulfil you. You are not empty, alone, afraid or unworthy of love.

Hug yourself in the knowledge that your very existence is the evidence of divine Love’s care and that each moment you are the expression of its whole being.

Because of this, any and all pangs of loneliness, fear, regret or anger, even though they come to mind as ‘what am I going to do?” or ‘How could s/he do that to me?” or ‘who am I gonna be with now?” or “who am I gonna share my moments with now”—even though the ego wears that disguise, it only gets you to respond because you are right now vulnerable in those areas.

To the degree that you fill yourself full with the simple truth that you are whole now…you are complete now…you are loved this moment and you are cared for and adored this moment, to the degree you allow these truths to flood your awareness, a few things will shift:
a. you will feel less and less pulled down by the suggestions of the ego.
b. you will be convinced less and less that those sentiments are the truth(the fear, emptiness, anger, or regret).
c. you will start to feel a perpetual stillness that completes you and allows you to feel peace within.

In looking back over the last decade, I see where time and again my pain lessened to the degree I applied these lessons. And what’s more, my thoughts reopened to sharing my life in new ways. There wasn’t always a new relationship. Often times I had months of solodom. But never ‘alone-dom.’

More and more I am seeing that while the desire to partner with another is a beautiful hope, the ability to evolve a sense of completeness within as a perpetual being, regardless of whether you’re in or out of relationship, is really key to days filled with a consistent sense of joy and peace.

Grace, forgiveness, compassion endure….

Hey to all….

I’m writing a bit more to add to the former lengthy post….

Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com has added her 2cents on her experience being interviewed on the Today Show.

Kudos to Heather. She comments with poise, grace, and compassion…and albeit down right honesty. She tells all her readers that even before going live Kathy Lee Gifford expressed relatability on being criticized by viewers for speaking about her family on air. So prior to any live footage, the two were united in common ground: they know the value of sharing personal stories with viewers/readers. And they know the costs. But do it anyway.

Heather compassionately handles the retelling of then what happened on air.

She also goes a step further.

She invites others to interview bloggers to try to wrap their arms around why this endeavor is as successful for some as it is..what the validity is among blogging communities. In short she invites broadcast media to have another chance.

I applaud this response. She doesn’t offer any sense of hurt, torn ego or anger and resentment.

She treats this issue well and professionally.

Why do I write about it thus?

Because my own maturing sense of grace yearns to treat people this same way. I could list 100’s of times when my motives have been called into question, when my style is bawked or condemned. And regrettably, I can not boast having taken the higher ground 50% of the time.

Surely I’m learning to. But the ego gets in there, self justifies and basically says ‘well to heck w/ them. if they don’t get it, so be it. i don’t have time for this’ and moves on.

Hello.

Where is the humanity in that?

Now in fairness, I haven’t maintained that disposition for a few years probably more. But I’m still well aware of when my feelings have been hurt, when I’ve felt wrongly accused, criticized and even fired for misjudgements of my character or misinterpretations of my motives.

In the long run, I’ve learned and am learning still it is ALWAYS better to respond with grace, poise, and compassion. Forgiveness needs to come as well and will.

At one point in my journey I was offered a job I had to move cross country for. I was promised a great salary with benefits. Come to find out a few months into that scenario, the reality was the job was never really budgeted for and before 90 days was up I was given my notice.

Crushed, bewildered, frantic, and furious, I was angry…very. I became resentful and dug myself into a great big pit of despair for far too long to admit. I’d trusted, really felt it was a good fit and then whammo! Ousted before I had even acclimated to this new area.

Shortly thereafter I learned that even had the job been approved, my qualifications would not have measured up. Okay. Humbling to learn but okay.

Still, I fumed over this for a long, long while. It got personal. I spent way too much time being angry at a few people and myself as well. I felt so stupid, naive, and clammed up on my sense of trusting humanity. For a while I felt used, exploited and taken advantage of.

Lemme tell ya where those negative emotions got me. NOWHERE. Absolutely nowhere.

Anger and hatred, bitterness and resentment never get you anywhere. And sure, you can kid yourself that you’re gonna lock all that emotion up and put it into a mental trunck and never again open it, or that you’ll just not think about that stuff anymore and never trust THOSE people again.

Try it. You are kidding yourself if you can simultaneously maintain a sense of peace.

In fact, during the aftermath, a few months into the saga while I was volunteering in a few different capacities, still fuming inwardly from my rejection, I broke out with a heinous fever and was in bed for days. It was the dead of winter. And I had a dog to take care of. Fortunately my neighbors helped me. But at that point, I knew I couldn’t just stew on my anger.

I needed healing.

And in my life for healing I turn to prayer based on the ideas in Science and Health. Day in and day ou,t I prayed like I do whenever I am treating myself. And day by day the fever broke a bit. But it would zip back up to really uncomfortable levels.

Well, during this time, a few people came to mind who I’d locked up in the trunk of “You are justified to despise these individuals.” UGH! I can’t stand admitting I even felt this way. But I did.

YET, divine Love was doing its work….was striving to embrace me with innocence and bathe me in goodness and was having a tough time doing so because my sense of ego and will were just right up there justifying these feelings.

Wasn’t gonna cut it. You can’t strive to be the emanation of divine Love while also harboring anger and resentment and loathing anyone or anything.

Aware of this, I started to walk down that path of forgiveness. I didn’t want to. I ADMIT IT.

Self justification was all over this effort screaming “What are ya kiddin’ me? You have every right to loathe this person for what he/she did to you. They don’t deserve forgiveness.’

OH REALLY?

Think again.

For the next 24 hours, I thought about shifting my perspective and aiming to see spiritually each of these individuals I’d dumped into that mental trunk. Bit by bit I took my thoughts of each one and considered each of them as a child of God. And I asked myself over and over “Tre, how is divine Love seeing its expression as this person? Tre, is divine Love seeing an example of manhood or womanhood that it created that can harm another?”

In fact, the heinous things people do are moments of hiccups of behavior, attitude, being. They are not the true nature of that person. No one wake up and bounds outa bed to take advantage of someone. NO ONE DOES. If they do this, it’s because of a pattern of behavior. But it’s changeable and it’s not their true nature and substance.

As a spiritual seeker and person who practices the Science of Being as explained in Eddy’s Science and Health, I’ve vowed to take up all that opposes the true nature of someone and advocate for his or her true individuality. So nothing was different in my view of these people that had wronged me.

I needed to flush out all the ill will and anger I felt. I needed to stop thinking of them as heinous people and mean people and worthless people and no good people. I needed to see them purely, wholely spiritually.

Would my doing this inevitably change their outward dispositions and actions? Not necessarily. But it WOULD heal my wrong sense of them.

And this is key to healing.

It is not mine or yours to ensure that someone change their ways and be a poised, graceful, honest, fair, just, compassionate individual. It is our duty to insist that such is their true nature, regardless if we’re shown this behavior or not.

In my case, as I let go of all the hatred, as I sought to find each aspect of good that each one of these people manifested, my fever broke. It took a bit…but it did finally break and I was able to join up with some family and spend a normal (somewhat) holiday with them. I say somewhat b/c in my family nothing is ever quite normal. 🙂

Anyhoo, I could write more and more about how Iprayed, about how iIhealed my loathing toward these folks…And I probably will. For now my point: harboring resentment, hatred, or anger toward anyone, no matter how justified, will never get you where you need to go in your own journey. In fact, harboring this muckety muck will slow you down tremendously.

So no matter what, get into that thought of yours and start weeding out all the muck all the huggabaloo and all the icky stuff. You can do it. You deserve to do it. And what’s more, humanity deserves nothing less.

Enjoy your journey. Shoot me an email or gimme a call if you want some help with any of this or just wanna chat about it.

Be well….Tre 😉 evolveserenity@gmail.com; 305/394.1070 (At&t unlimited mins)

The sun is coming out…..

The sun is coming out….

Today was a bit dark and rainy….all day. Kinda like my mood this past weekend. I’ve had a lot of dark moments, a lot of lows. Been really angry and disappointed over someone’s actions. And it’s a time of really feeling like my sense of hope in humanity is really being challenged.

I’ve always sought to find the good in others and surely this hasn’t changed.

Innately, each one of us is an expression of Spirit, of the all loving, all present Being that is the one Mind. Surely we don’t see this character exhibited 24/7 by every human we know let alone ourselves. So choosing to defend that this true nature is the substance of everyone’s character…well some may laugh that this is even an intention or goal I have. But I do and I will keep on striving to defend each person’s spiritual substance, no matter what.

Yet when I feel attacked or when someone I love has been really wronged or harmed, it’s so hard to get past the human emotions of anger and bitterness..of resentment or frustration.

But still I strive and so I must. Because to be influenced by evil never does an ounce of good. …not for myself….not for my sibling…not for the whole of humanity.

I grew up learning the lesson to forgive my enemies. And so I tried to my whole childhood on into adulthood. But back then, I know I had a hard time with this. Because back then I felt like my forgiveness would somehow off them of the wrong they’d done. Like somehow the names they called me or whatever they stole from me (crimes of my elementary peers) was somehow tolerable because I wanted more to be their friend. For years I was taken advantage of I see now because a lot of my peers learned through my behavior that indeed I tolerated verbal abuse. In fact during one 6th grade lunch where the boys were against the girls in this tug of war thing, during my rather chubbier years, I distinctly remember one peer saying ‘Oh, that’s just Tresha the tubbolard. She won’t mind if you call her fat names. We’ve done it so much by now and she’s always your pal in the end.’

Something like that. Oddly enough, this same guy would be my date to the senior prom 6 years later. But what I’m getting to is that in the many years since 6th grade, I’ve learned so much more about the nature of that lesson to forgive your enemies.

To me it’s not at all anymore about growing tolerant of another’s wrong doings. Rather, it’s committing yourself to loving his/her true nature inspite of his/her wrong doing. Forgiveness is like a public affirmation that states “I’m willing to defend your true core and essence and to really love and cherish that about you.’

But here’s what forgiveness is not: it is not tolerance for evil of any kind. It is not weak heartedness that fears standing up for what is principled and what is honorable and what is moral. It is not defending someone’s wrong doing because somehow that wrong doing was justified.

Forgiveness doesn’t even mean you will stay close with another. But it does mean you will defend in your heart of hearts that person’s true substance is spiritual and therefore whole and free from all inclination toward wrongdoing.

The rains have subsided for this evening…and the sun is coming out again at least to share it’s final moments before it sets (and yes, I know, one day I’ll write the truth that the sun really isn’t setting at all, rather is the earth rotating….it just sounds so much more poetic)…and so with that rotation and seemingly setting of the sun, the light is appearing…and so too is it in my heart.

Surely my anger has subsided greatly….surely my frustration and sorrow are subsiding much. And at least for this hour I am finding myself able to move past my anger toward this other and really reach the depth of where I need to be: in cherishing his innate innocence and goodness. For in truth the ray of love he exudes hasn’t ever waned. And so I pray….