How fluid and flexible is your life’s agenda?
How open are you to responding to the call that comes for help?
I ask myself these questions pretty regularly.
I strive not to get too ‘staccato’ in my thinking or my actions.
I yearn to be ‘ready’ for the call that comes for help.
And, I used to think I was ready. I used to think I would respond at a given moment’s notice–especially if the call for help came from a family member or another loved one….
And then my sister called me to help her with a move….more of a transition to a new beginning, actually.
And while my initial yes quickly followed with flight arrangements and me traveling to another city, I felt some resistance brewing in my heart.
You see, I’ve been a bit willing to jump at the opportunity to help others and while it’s my nature to say yes to such offers, I’ve been pretty mobile the better part of the last year.
Yet more recently, I resolved to live in an area I adore.
And I am so thrilled with this tropical oasis that– rather ridiculously– I’ve resisted leaving, even to go pay a visit to my dad or mom who each live only a wee few hours’ drive north.
And yet…the latest request wasn’t a permanent change kinda thing. It was simply an offer to come help this transition.
So for a few days now, I’ve been sifting through why I still am resisting being here a bit…I know I’m helping and that feels honest and tender and true….
Last night I considered this feeling.
I’m not causing it.
I want to be here. I want to support my sister this way. I know how much it means to her to have my help but more to the point, I can’t imagine not supporting her transition right now. To me, family is about being there for one another, no matter how tough or ugly or painful it means, no matter how much time it takes. You endure together.
So rather than sift through why I was uncomfortable, I started mentally listing the reasons I’m grateful to be here with her right now:
Sharing lives….hearts…conversations…and hugs….moments where one welcomes another ‘in’…and lives intermingle, exchanging thoughts, feelings, wishes, regrets, fears, sorrows, hopes, dreams…
Days become building blocks of partnered new beginnings.
Check lists of to do’s turn into moments of holding hands and supporting one another.
Defending the spiritual fact of oneness to divine Love … how this spiritual fact comforts and heals any feeling of neglect, unworthiness, or loneliness.
These are just a few of the things inwardly I’ve been valuing about helping my sister at this time….
So why that pit of emptiness, fear within, and something unsettled in my heart?
Well, time and again I’ve seen this pattern: there’s often a pull to push you off track and make you feel a disconnect of some kind.
It’s not a force or a power you create. It’s this belief that you or anyone could become separate from the divine Love that basis your/our being…for a moment…or for an indefinite amount of time.
Whatever regrets….whatever fears….whatever criticizes..whatever upsets…whatever disturbs…whatever unsettles…..any and all of these suggestions in thought, even though they come guised as your own or cloaked in the costume of ‘I feel’ these are simply mental attempts to separate you from a fluid constant perpetual feeling of serenity and peace….of oneness and truth.
And in short, these beliefs do not have to rule the minute, hour, morning or day. They can be resisted and thwarted off by bathing yourself in the reality of your spiritual identity and oneness with the divine.
Knowing this, I knew that the wonkiness I have been feeling about being here has nothing to do with my being here and everything to do with the fact that wherever we are, there will be occasions to fight off that feeling of separateness to divine Love.
So for the past several mornings, as I’ve awoken, I’ve prayed deeply and earnestly to establish my relationship to the divine. I know that there is and always remains this all presence of Love governing, ruling each moment and that I can know and feel at every moment what this agenda is….
Anything that suggests disconnect is not my own thought and is not apart of divine Love’s agenda for me or for anyone, ever.
I know that I can be alert to it’s tendencies and resist entirely its attempt to misinfluence me or persuade me to feel alone or separate or removed from work I should be doing.
I know that my real work is to perpetuate this feeling of oneness and to stand for it and prove it day in and day out. And I know I can be patient even though those wonky feelings were there because I know I didn’t cause them and don’t have to be influenced by them either. My days and moments can be filled with joy and appreciation that I’m here, now, helping another life.
Praying and defending like this has really helped.
Together we’ve been able to sift through a lot of her unwanted stuff and ready up for this estate sale she’s having this weekend.
What’s cool? This morning I felt like I can’t imagine not being here to help with this, to partner our lives, our nows for these days.
I’m sure there will still be more work to do….mentally and otherwise. But my gratitude remains sure, as does my conviction that none of us are ever separate from Love’s agenda and can –at any moment—silence the pull to draw us down.
More than helping my sister’s transition, I’m beginning to see I’m really defending that none of us can ever move out of Love’s care. We simply transition to new and deeper views of the constancy of that permanent relationship!
Gimme a holler if you wanna chat further about any of this stuff.
And thanks for reading / sharing this post.
Be well, Tre ☺