A shift in perspective offers new views of oneness

An unwanted change in a relationship…
A desire to leave the familiar when it’s too painful to live amidst…
A yearning for a new beginning…

Sometimes the urgency you feel to get over hurt, painful feelings keeps us in 5th gear moving full steam ahead.

Heck, with me, I know there’s been a few times I’ve just scaled down to whatever I can fit in my car and hit the road, sometimes driving from one coast til another only stopping because there wasn’t anywhere further west that I could drive.

And while change in scenery, getting rid of stuff, and acquiring new props can alter your surroundings rather quickly, shifts in the heart take a bit longer.

By shifts in the heart, I’m meaning the letting go of loving someone.

So how do you get there? To that place? Where you’ve moved past anger, resentment and pain from being unloved or from not being able to connect with the someone you felt you were in love with?

To me, it’s a moment to moment journey…one that requires not so much a welling up of anger every time you think of him or her…but a willingness to trust that what governs your now propels you into those situations, experiences, and relationships which support you, and sustain your journey every moment.

And so this means that this same influence may cause a natural –even though it doesn’t feel natural—parting of that which doesn’t support you or your journey.

What I continue to see is that often a ‘no’ is really a yes to other things. And this can be a huge comfort when the parting is unwanted or unexpected like a divorce or a break up.

While it takes practice and a disciplining of thought, if you feel overwhelmed with utter emptiness over the thought of not having him or her in your life anymore, try as ever you are able to get still and hush the mental arguing and murmuring in your thinking.

You know…all that stuff that says “I should have been this way or that way” or “he should have done this or that” or whatever….And I’m being really generic here…but you know …all those thoughts that blame, accuse, condemn and most of all, the thoughts that condemn or accuse yourself.

Instead, when thought is still, bathe yourself in the truth that you are whole and complete this moment. You need no one at this moment to complete you or fulfil you. You are not empty, alone, afraid or unworthy of love.

Hug yourself in the knowledge that your very existence is the evidence of divine Love’s care and that each moment you are the expression of its whole being.

Because of this, any and all pangs of loneliness, fear, regret or anger, even though they come to mind as ‘what am I going to do?” or ‘How could s/he do that to me?” or ‘who am I gonna be with now?” or “who am I gonna share my moments with now”—even though the ego wears that disguise, it only gets you to respond because you are right now vulnerable in those areas.

To the degree that you fill yourself full with the simple truth that you are whole now…you are complete now…you are loved this moment and you are cared for and adored this moment, to the degree you allow these truths to flood your awareness, a few things will shift:
a. you will feel less and less pulled down by the suggestions of the ego.
b. you will be convinced less and less that those sentiments are the truth(the fear, emptiness, anger, or regret).
c. you will start to feel a perpetual stillness that completes you and allows you to feel peace within.

In looking back over the last decade, I see where time and again my pain lessened to the degree I applied these lessons. And what’s more, my thoughts reopened to sharing my life in new ways. There wasn’t always a new relationship. Often times I had months of solodom. But never ‘alone-dom.’

More and more I am seeing that while the desire to partner with another is a beautiful hope, the ability to evolve a sense of completeness within as a perpetual being, regardless of whether you’re in or out of relationship, is really key to days filled with a consistent sense of joy and peace.

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Open to Love’s agenda

How fluid and flexible is your life’s agenda?
How open are you to responding to the call that comes for help?

I ask myself these questions pretty regularly.
I strive not to get too ‘staccato’ in my thinking or my actions.
I yearn to be ‘ready’ for the call that comes for help.

And, I used to think I was ready. I used to think I would respond at a given moment’s notice–especially if the call for help came from a family member or another loved one….

And then my sister called me to help her with a move….more of a transition to a new beginning, actually.

And while my initial yes quickly followed with flight arrangements and me traveling to another city, I felt some resistance brewing in my heart.

You see, I’ve been a bit willing to jump at the opportunity to help others and while it’s my nature to say yes to such offers, I’ve been pretty mobile the better part of the last year.

Yet more recently, I resolved to live in an area I adore.
And I am so thrilled with this tropical oasis that– rather ridiculously– I’ve resisted leaving, even to go pay a visit to my dad or mom who each live only a wee few hours’ drive north.

And yet…the latest request wasn’t a permanent change kinda thing. It was simply an offer to come help this transition.

So for a few days now, I’ve been sifting through why I still am resisting being here a bit…I know I’m helping and that feels honest and tender and true….

Last night I considered this feeling.
I’m not causing it.
I want to be here. I want to support my sister this way. I know how much it means to her to have my help but more to the point, I can’t imagine not supporting her transition right now. To me, family is about being there for one another, no matter how tough or ugly or painful it means, no matter how much time it takes. You endure together.

So rather than sift through why I was uncomfortable, I started mentally listing the reasons I’m grateful to be here with her right now:

Sharing lives….hearts…conversations…and hugs….moments where one welcomes another ‘in’…and lives intermingle, exchanging thoughts, feelings, wishes, regrets, fears, sorrows, hopes, dreams…

Days become building blocks of partnered new beginnings.

Check lists of to do’s turn into moments of holding hands and supporting one another.

Defending the spiritual fact of oneness to divine Love … how this spiritual fact comforts and heals any feeling of neglect, unworthiness, or loneliness.

These are just a few of the things inwardly I’ve been valuing about helping my sister at this time….

So why that pit of emptiness, fear within, and something unsettled in my heart?

Well, time and again I’ve seen this pattern: there’s often a pull to push you off track and make you feel a disconnect of some kind.

It’s not a force or a power you create. It’s this belief that you or anyone could become separate from the divine Love that basis your/our being…for a moment…or for an indefinite amount of time.

Whatever regrets….whatever fears….whatever criticizes..whatever upsets…whatever disturbs…whatever unsettles…..any and all of these suggestions in thought, even though they come guised as your own or cloaked in the costume of ‘I feel’ these are simply mental attempts to separate you from a fluid constant perpetual feeling of serenity and peace….of oneness and truth.

And in short, these beliefs do not have to rule the minute, hour, morning or day. They can be resisted and thwarted off by bathing yourself in the reality of your spiritual identity and oneness with the divine.

Knowing this, I knew that the wonkiness I have been feeling about being here has nothing to do with my being here and everything to do with the fact that wherever we are, there will be occasions to fight off that feeling of separateness to divine Love.

So for the past several mornings, as I’ve awoken, I’ve prayed deeply and earnestly to establish my relationship to the divine. I know that there is and always remains this all presence of Love governing, ruling each moment and that I can know and feel at every moment what this agenda is….

Anything that suggests disconnect is not my own thought and is not apart of divine Love’s agenda for me or for anyone, ever.

I know that I can be alert to it’s tendencies and resist entirely its attempt to misinfluence me or persuade me to feel alone or separate or removed from work I should be doing.

I know that my real work is to perpetuate this feeling of oneness and to stand for it and prove it day in and day out. And I know I can be patient even though those wonky feelings were there because I know I didn’t cause them and don’t have to be influenced by them either. My days and moments can be filled with joy and appreciation that I’m here, now, helping another life.

Praying and defending like this has really helped.

Together we’ve been able to sift through a lot of her unwanted stuff and ready up for this estate sale she’s having this weekend.

What’s cool? This morning I felt like I can’t imagine not being here to help with this, to partner our lives, our nows for these days.

I’m sure there will still be more work to do….mentally and otherwise. But my gratitude remains sure, as does my conviction that none of us are ever separate from Love’s agenda and can –at any moment—silence the pull to draw us down.

More than helping my sister’s transition, I’m beginning to see I’m really defending that none of us can ever move out of Love’s care. We simply transition to new and deeper views of the constancy of that permanent relationship!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gimme a holler if you wanna chat further about any of this stuff.
And thanks for reading / sharing this post.

Be well, Tre ☺

Healing anger when someone betrays you

Hey….probably good to write every now and again while I’m in the midst of praying my way instead of blogging once I’ve found my way through.

Tough news is just that: tough. No way around it. Not gonna cover it up. It can break your heart. It can make you angry. It can make you fall apart and wanna cave it for a good…..long……while.

I got some really tough news recently. Really tough.

I’m angry, hurt, bitter, feel betrayed and used, like I wanna scream. Someone I love has been hurt and my heart is tearing up inside.

I know right this moment I MUST make make a choice. Either get control of these emotions and the reality of what’s going on or they will control me. Either wallow around in this anger as justified as my ego argues, or establish in thought right this moment what is governing and ruling the hour and respond to THAT.

Sure, my ego is screaming. But more importantly, I am already fully aware of the calm, strong currents of Divine Love and its creation. And the duty of the moment is to shift thought THERE.

How? How can I or you or anybody push passed the emotions when you feel self justified? By taking a stand for reality..that is spiritual.

Mary Baker Eddy has helped me understand this a lot. She writes a ton about thought….how to train it and manage it..in Science and Health. A fave line states “Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good and the true and you will bring these into your experience proportionably as to the occupancy of your thoughts.”

So with this situation then, my thought immediately reaches out.
I ask “What’s the enduring, the good and the true that I can hold to right this moment? What is really going on?”

The enduring….what is lasting…is the simple yet profound fact of the divine Being..God..and His idea..man….held inseparably in a panoply of Love. The only thing EVER going on is this conscious activity of Love being itself and expressing itself as creation…including you and me. None of us ever fall from this divine stronghold. None of us ever are separated for a moment from it.

Any human circumstance that suggests otherwise can be seen as the misrespresentation of this spiritual fact.

It really boils down to: what are you going to believe is really going on

Go back to that question….What’s enduring? what’s good? what’s true?

I’ve written a bit on the enduring.

What’s good and what’s true?

Good is the very nature of God and hence of man’s real character.

What’s true is the essence of that nature. Man is innocent, tender, loving, compassionate, strong, honest, obedient and principled.

So in praying, I defend this. It’s like getting into thought and refusing to believe the material picture as the truth of someone’s character. A mirage always seems real until you get up closer. There’s no water there. Same with personalities and character.

Working and praying like this demands you shift from reading the material picture to discerning the spiritual fact…to wrap our thoughts around reality…and defend the true nature of God and man even amidst the scenario where so much is arguing its opposite

You have to lift your thought OUT of the present situation blaring in your mind of what just happened by someone else to the person you love….You have to lift thought up to DEFEND with all your heart and soul and mind WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON IN REALITY.

I’m not saying ‘deny that this wrong doing occurred.’

I am saying forgive, love through it, because you defend the true nature of someone’s spirituality.

Now on the surface, this doesn’t erase the shock and pain of the circumstance. But it keeps thought off the pull to condemn, slander, or ridicule. It keeps thought out of the anger and hatred. Mind you, whenever anyone does anything that’s self centered, he or she ends up punishing themselves because he or she has to face their own thinking.  And while I hope for someone’s immediate wake up call to see the wrong that’s been done and to apologize for it and change his or her ways, sometimes we don’t see that change of thought. But we can still defend the true nature of man is steering that person’s behavior.

This is hard stuff sometimes….to defend another’s truth. Much argues against doing so. Much will try to sway you to feel justified in being angry at another. But it doesn’t help. Anger or resentment will never bring healing.

Reality is spiritual–Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health. That doesn’t negate the realness of our now experience. But it does require that we lift it out of just the physical realm. The current of Truth is ALWAYS AT WORK….lifting thoughts up, redeeming MOMENTS, and helping each one of us forgive, forgive, forgive.

Why forgive when there’s so much wrong that’s been done?

Well, bring that question back home: have YOU ever done something you regretted that hurt another? Were you conscious you were hurting someone else and did it anyway? Too many of us can say yes to that question and I don’t care if it’s you scraped off the icing off the top of the cake your mom just made your sister for her birthday (true story I was a chubbo 8 year old and snuck sweets anywhere I could find them). …or if it’s worse….if it’s befriending someone you know is in the midst of another relationship to be a source of comfort to that person…all the while you justify you’re just being a friend to them and yet you know in your heart you’re falling for them and you end up really hurting yourself…(yep, another true story, happened when I was in college)….or even still more recently, I had to go silent for a while and just cut myself off from family for a while to get some ducks in a row that I needed to without a lot of unsolicited, though well meaning opinions…this hurt them much and I knew it would. But I had to take care of me….more on that later.

So see, I surely just thought of those 3 things right here sitting here without a whole lot of thought and there’s probably hundreds more I could write about…..We each have done things without intentionally trying to hurt someone else ……

So it’s vital in thought to steer it and keep it on what is true…that the presence of Love is the only atmosphere I dwell in or anyone else dwells in. That right at this moment, all of us are being influenced only by that which is honest, pure, genuine, and unselved. That at any moment, if our actions seem to stray, that we are not lost or victimized. That at any moment, anyone can be freed from a misinfluence or misunderstanding of his or her true nature.

It would seem that loneliness or rejectedness or feeling like a failure would dominate thought and lead it to commit acts that are foreign to our inclinations. But knowing this tendency, if someone’s actions do fall far from what you’d otherwise expect, you can and I can have compassion toward them and just keep holding their truth up in thought as we think of them: that this individual is a child of God and reflects only the substance of Love, of Truth, and as such is a wholely good and loving individual.

Defending reality will free your thought up from thinking any one individual is an evil doer. Evil is never the person …it is simply a mass of wrong thoughts that for a moment dominate another. But it is never that person’s true character or nature…..
Bare with me as it may seem I’m rambling.
This is the work of the hour that really matters…to heal and renew all of our thoughts about another. To lift thought out of the muck of judgement, criticism, attacking slander. And to keep thought on the truth of someone’s spirituality.

So as I do this in my own thinking, my anger lessens. And I begin to hold in thought only the true nature of this other one’s character. And this healing influence does settle my anger.

It will take more times praying like this….I know….to completely once and for all heal the sting that that anger and resentment try to persuade. But I will keep on. Because I know that all of us are Love’s creation. None of us intentionally wake up to harm another. And all of us can be freed from misinfluences. And most importantly, if we’ve been wronged by another, all of us can feel the healing comfort of divine Love’s embrace. That is our right. And it’s worth every ounce of our thought in defending.

More soon……