Facing the inner pulls without fear

My sister’s house is quiet. She’s gone the week, dogs are boarded, no workmen tinkering. It’s just me, Berkeley, (my bichon) and a whole lotta space. Well, that’s easily filled up with the beckoning of my mental to do list. You know? The stuff that never leaves and just gets buried deeper in the day to day doings until there’s a moment to really sit down?

Welll, hello, here am I really ‘sitting down’. But, there’s an ache in my heart…this feeling like “ugh…back to my life again” with intimidation of the unknown, some overwhelmedness about all there is to do and some angst over how I’m gonna get it all done. And in the quiet of sitting down to look at these inner yearnings, the pull to run help another is huge.

It’s something I’m an expert at actually. And year after year of taking on ‘other’ –well, while it feeds my sense of purpose and desire for creating community with whomever it is I’m helping, it doesn’t help me fulfil my own yearnings…the stuff I need to do that no one really can help me with–my orphaned dreams.

Of late they’ve been beckoning: adopt me now! I’m only kidding myself as I go from day to day assuming new projects and engaging in that which would help another—that I’m somehow forwarding these orphaned endeavors.

So today, this morning, it’s more than the high ceilings and sprawling square footage that looms large. The finest of quality craftsmanship simply reminds me to scoop up those orphaned dreams and start caring for them with serious intent to parent. ☺ But I’m nervous. Very, actually.

So I’m writing today about how to maintain peace when the angst to ‘get it all done’ weighs as heavily as the fear of the unknown of unchartered waters: the commitment, the time, the next steps, the how to’s.

Pulling at thought much is the actual sculpting. The model’s in view, at least a great sense of it, but the details are blurry, the next steps feel scattered and the destination unmappable.

So here’s what I’m doing to move forward—through—the unknowns and squelch the fear that would further stagnate my efforts.

First, I get still. I find anywhere that’s a nurturing quiet space, close my eyes and shut out all that murmurs in thought. And then, I take a deep breath and begin to climb the mental stairs to that attic storing my innermost yearnings….and open the door, and walk in.

If you don’t know where that storage place is, just still your thoughts and listen. And ask yourself:
What keeps nudging me? What’s my innermost desire? When I honestly strip my ego and self justification from these pulls, what remains?
What are my ultimate desires?

Whatever they are, however many or few they are, after I do this sifting, I listen. I listen to what they’re pulling and nudging. And I write them down.
Listen, look, write down.

This way, I’m giving form to the ideas without which they’ll tend to wander around in thought and seem more huge to address than they really are.
That simple act of creating a symbolic expression for an idea—in this case giving it a word, a phrase or a sentence—births the idea in a tangible way.

So you can do the same thing…Listen to these pulls, strip them of all ego and self justification…see what remains….Look at them and write them down—even if it’s just one thing. Just that 3 step process: hear the idea, look at it, write it down—engages thought in the moment and all murmurings about how the heck am I gonna accomplish this…all that huggabaloo is silenced…at least for a time.

I wrote down 3 things:
a. establish a virtual office/ongoing online presence
b. research the writings of Mary Baker Eddy
c. share those ideas online somehow

The next step in handling my fears of feeling overwhelmed is to jot down a few next steps for accomplishing each one of these goals.
Even if I don’t know.
Maybe it’s to ask for help.
Maybe it’s to ask someone I know who has one what she did to create it.
Maybe it’s to search the web for blogs about it or video tutorials.

Again, listen for the next step, look at it, write it down.
By writing it down or typing it in a word doc, the ideas that were once looming take further shape as you give them a tangible form you can put your arms/eyes around. This mental sculpture transforms your goal from a looming overwhelming idea to now a potential list of next steps you can can manage.

Concurrent to my writing these ideas down, I affirm or meditate this way:
“The divine Mind that is my creator is expressing my individuality uniquely. I know now what I need to be doing and any idea that I should consider or dwell upon I will know. Nothing I am to do can overwhelm me. Any task, next step, or ultimate endeavor I seek to achieve are expressions of my individuality and are coming to thought to be birthed and outwardly expressed. I can trust that I am able to follow through with each task and I can know too that there’s no ugly accuser attacking these efforts and that I do not have to give an ounce of attention to any condemning thought or abusive shunning. That mental cloud only seems to emerge as I move forward and to the degree I stay focused and keep thought on the goal, these opposing influences will cease to have any effect. The divine Mind holds me and all in its grasp and I am safe.”

(for more on this line of spiritual reasoning, see the writings of Mary Baker Eddy, specifically her main work on practical spirituality: Science and Health—the ideas of which I use daily in my moment to moment journey).

In sum:
Dig deep and listen for those innermost pulls.
Look at them. Write them down.

Doesn’t matter if they are biggies like: get married, have a baby, start a soup kitchen, produce a film–or if the goal is a bit simpler: join a health club, visit the Caribbean, volunteer at a shelter.

Just write those orphaned ideas down. They deserve your focus.
Write them down. Just do that. And then give yourself permission to ponder a few next steps…even on the ones that seem out of your reach.
And for today, just sit with the fact that you gave breath to the idea and to some next steps for it. What matters is that you seized the inner pull, listened and looked at it, gave it expression, and have made a promise to yourself to keep listening, keep nurturing the idea, and keep pushing yourself to ponder some next steps.

Eddy writes: “Thoughts unspoken are not unknown to the divine Mind. Desire is prayer, and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and deeds.” (Eddy, Science and Health, chapter 1: Prayer).

If you wanna chat more about any of this, my twitter handle is @tresha, my email: evolveserenity@gmail.com, or you can leave a comment right here on the blog.

Thanks for readin’…be well, Tre ~

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Sifting my way toward stillness through lotsa boxes :)

This morning, while seeking stillness, I started sorting again–laundry, dirty dishes, books, notes, piles of papers that wound up in my purse–all the while defending how I function better when surrounded by order.

I pause while sorting and realize I’m sorting someone else’s stuff….my sister’s. (I’ve just helped her complete a move). And there’s this tug at my heart: “What about you Tre? When ya gonna sort your ‘stuff’ ?”

I know that voice. It comes as a little girl sometimes….gently, softly….It comes when I’m mentally running around taking care of a loved one’s needs if I’ve neglected–to some degree–my own daily creatings (writings, meditations, exercising–the stuff that I’ve learned I enjoy doing day to day).

Awareness I’ve neglected my own needs arises, followed by a conflict within. I value helping others and don’t wanna give that up. But I also know I yearn to find balance while doing so, so that I can help while still honoring my creative life practice. So when that tug comes– ‘Tre, what about me?” I know it’s time to regroup and devote thought to my creative doings.

I’m known for dropping my work and hopping the next plane to get to whomever’s asked for my help. I value that flexibility. I value my commitment to growing my relationships. I value my awareness that true love doesn’t come all neat and tidy in a boxed up package you give on a holiday. Real love means being there, making time to be there….even when it’s messy, even when it tries every last ounce of your patience or tests your emotions.

But what I’m learning too is that in really loving and supporting, I gotta drop my agenda of the expected outcome. And I need to better respect the pace and processing of the one I’m helping.
I’ve recognized what I tend to do instead is start orchestrating how I think the project should result. And if it’s not going in that direction, then I start to verbally impose my own sense of right structure and ordered life. And I expect who I’m helping to agree with me 100% and carve out their situation as I would expect, because afterall, my way’s the right way right? Hugely kidding here. Hear the ego?

So if I’m really honest with myself: while agreeing to help is unconditional love, imposing my will on the process or outcome is not. And worse, neglecting my daily needs isn’t loving myself either. But here’s my weakness: Often I don’t know how to say no when that no would translate into ‘yes’ to myself and my own needs.

I am convinced that none of us have to give up our own needs in order to help another…be it family, friend, or anyone who needs help. If there is a need and the yearning within calls to give, you make it happen. It’s the most natural inclination any of us have because it comes from within. That yearning to give, bless, love, support—it’s our spirituality yearning to be our wholeness, all the time.

So it’s more than natural to act on that impulse.

But essential to carve out while agreeing to help, is an awareness of balance. I’ve found I must ask myself to define what I’m gonna need to feel not only are my efforts productive, but so too am I not neglecting myself in the process. I don’t know many women who feel they’ve found a good balance of this. In fact, many I know would agree they always put their own needs aside and feel they neglect themselves.

I’m still trying to figure out how to do this. But figuring this out is vital. It will prevent the ‘I’m outa here’ attitude that crops up when I feel maxxed out.

Because in my anxiousness to fix the problem, I’m also impatient to see the solution and stick around until I do. ☺

Not to be vague: my current scenario involves helping my sister transition from a large home to a smaller one and now that she’s all moved in, we’re surrounded by boxes that still need sifting through, objects that need to be pitched or placed, and my organizational mode doesn’t really rest til the process is completed how I think it ought to be.

But that’s where the test comes in: did I come out to help in order to complete the project to my liking? Or am I here to support how my sister needs the project to be completed. In her eyes, my work here’s done. Technically we’re all moved in. But that bugger in me that is insisting on really completing the project: Ie no boxes, no piles, all in it’s place, well, that may well be my own needs imposing themselves and willing me to orchestrate the outcome.

She’s not inclined to have a similar outcome. Not yet anyway. She wants to take some time, get used to the new surroundings and feel her way.
In the bigger scheme of things, this is small stuff: boxes or no boxes, disarray or order, feeling finished or feeling unfinished.

And if I let myself get pulled into that focus, well, it could be completely frustrating. I like order, things in their place, a finished look. She doesn’t need that. She likes it. But she’s not gonna stay up all night to ensure it (and I’ve ridiculously been found cleaning at 4am if I’ve just returned from a trip and need to reestablish the order of my surroundings).

No one’s right or wrong here. But what remains my goal is this question: Tre, how are you gonna love yourself enough to honor your own needs but at the same time respect your sisters’ and not impose your will?

That voice of the little girl ‘what about me’ is my writing voice. It comes as the nudge when it’s been a few days since I posted or a few more days since I’ve commented on blogs or written in my journal. So today, thought by thought, I’m honoring my sister’s unique way and respecting her desire to emerge gently into this new setting. And I’m respecting my own need to order my thoughts, unpack and organize and place all the ideas into some kind of work that I’ve been ‘storing’ while helping her move and sort. And in so doing, my hope is that I’ll refrain from judging the seeming disarray, enjoy that we continue to share some incredible one to one moments we’ve not had since highschool, and be grateful that our lives can overlap this way right now. It’s really a joy.

In Mary Baker Eddy’s main work, Science and Health, she writes: “Whatever blesses one blesses all.’ And while it’s sometimes hard to find how someone else’s struggle or pain (in this case a transition) can hold a blessing for you, indeed I’m seeing much growth in my own self absorbed tendencies. In dropping my own agenda and coming to support a loved one, I’ve had to flex my all too often rigidity and firmness. I’ve had to go with the flow and deal sometimes. But all the while, the true motive of love and support remain.

And so I remind that little girl voice ‘what about me?” in helping this situation I am caring for her. She’s not neglected. She’s being directly addressed through my nurturing care of others. And as I’m leaving my willful ways aside, she’s even getting to play amidst the socalled disarray of boxes.

Steady on…

Steady On…it’s the name of a fave song of Shawn Colvin’s.

It’s also of late what I keep reminding myself to do…amidst helping out a relative and feeling at times more than ready to be done or at other times wondering why I always say yes to people when they need help.

Hear the ego? 🙂

Today I’m remembering that moment to moment and thought by thought, there’s value in the steady on…in the remembering why you are doing what you’re doing….in recalling your motive and standing by that in spite of tough circumstances or situations you wish were different.

In the end what matters most is the being present in the moment ….being present means you don’t think about what else you could be doing or what could be more beneficial to you and your life right now. Such thinking leads to second guessing your original decision to help a friend or loved one. Staying in the moment, in the right now, helps you thwart off all pulls to think some place would be better when you’ve committed to supporting a loved one through a tough time and helping him/her transition

So how do you stay ‘steady on?’ How do you thwart off all the pulls that say you should be doing something else or oughta be somewhere else, especially when you are feeling you’ve made a worthwhile commitment?

For me ‘steady on’ is remembering that no matter how tough the human condition, the substance of your initial motive–the unselved love and unconditional support that inspired your initial resolve–grounds and sustains. Nothing–no thought or feeling–can usurp the original intent and cause feelings of second guessing of motives. But when these come, and they seem to flood thought often in the midst of striving to do something unselved, you can trust that these thoughts are simply coming as distractors. Whatever impelled the honest, pure, unconditionally loving initial intent cannot do a 180 and make anyone feel their efforts are a waste of time or somehow postponing one’s own personal growth.

And this is important.

Sometimes we may have the best of intentions but half way amidst the doing good, we start to think that maybe this was a mistake. Or maybe we feel undervalued, insignificant or worse that sense of ‘why bother doing this?”

Try as ever once you’ve committed to helping a loved one or a friend, whether for an hour, a day, a week, a month or a year, to stay grounded in the original intent and motive. Your own life can not be somehow put on hold or stagnated because you’ve opted to give of yourself this way.

In her best selling work about practical spirituality, Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy writes “The good you do and embody gives you the only power obtainable.” I love this. I appreciate remembering this.

If honest and pure, unconditional and unselved, there’s no way you will somehow be wasting your moments.

Steady on…thought by thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you wanna chat about any of the ideas above, leave a comment or email me at evolveserenity@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading…be well, Tre ~

Criticize and condemn or COOPERATE and have COMPASSION?…We can do better….

Most women I interact with will admit they’ve experienced competition moreso than cooperation, have felt the sting of criticism more than the warmth of compassion, and run around with far more condemnations murmuring in their minds than compliments.

This post takes a peek at something that occurred last week in the blogoshere and on national television that has me asking this question:

What more can we do so that we feel honored by ourselves and each other? So that we know the bliss of cooperation, the beauty of compliments, and the glory of compassion—from ourselves and from one another?

First I wanna offer how I became intertwined in the discussion thread about a missed opportunity when several successful bloggers who are mothers were interviewed and then aired on MSNBC’s Today Show.

Next I wanna offer my perspective on the whole shebang.

Finally I’ll offer the example of Mary Baker Eddy that pulls me up from my bootstraps day in/day out for the achievements she mastered more than a century ago.

First the background.

Daily I read from several blogs and comment on them.
Last week, I became intertwined in a pretty large discussion over the blogosphere:

First, I read this post from a site i read regularly, bitchphd.com.
—a statement of support defending the nature of content a lot of mothers blog about.
I liked what I read and did what I typically do, I commented and moved on to read other posts in my RSS Feed Reader (I use NetNewsWire for blogs and NewsFire for news feeds).

But I didn’t get too far. Her piece made me really pause and think about the value of the contributions of moms or any blogger, about the validity of self expression, about how women writers are surely helping pave the way for women globally to experience more freedoms. I could go on and on.

The point here: I started percolating my own perspective on what I’d read…typical of anyone who is actively blogging and commenting. I wondered what I could offer–if anything new–to the discussion.

So rather than move on to my next feeds, I googled who she referenced—Heather Armstrong—and her blog ‘Dooce.com” and read this piece she offers to celebrate an anniversary of writing about her daughter.
I was moved and felt a connection with a life…a mother’s…and a daughter’s. And was just about to send a comment when my good friend blogger –Elizabeth at table4Five.com — instant messaged me about something and I asked her if she knew of this blog.

Not only did she know of it, she told me further of her own perspective on the interview of several mom bloggers including Heather and that I should watch the video about it and tune into the discussion threads (this means basically see who’s saying what on blogs about a common topic).

She gave me a link to a piece about the whole interview experience by one of the mom’s interviewed—a woman named Mir who blogs regularly at WouldaCouldaShoulda.
So I read Mir’s piece on blogher.com.
And I read the comments Mir refers to in her piece.
And then I even googled and read the excerpts of all the other women bloggers who were interviewed:
Jill Asher at svmoms.com and motherhooduncensored.com.

So you get the gist…how reading one blog and talking about it with another blogger sends you all over the blogosphere to find others who are discussing a similar topic.

And with this Today Show interview, it was clear: most bloggers I read all felt the interview dropped the ball….bigtime.

And so I began thinking further. Like why was any of this bothering me too?

On one level I felt compassion—kudos to any and all that spend so much of their lives offering their perspective of what’s working for them and then blog about it. And more kudos to the honest portrayal of lives. It builds connection and community and brings us all that much closer.

On another level I felt anger. How in the world is it possible that women in broadcast media can fail to emphasize the goods of the women bloggers in a nationally televised interview? Why were the substance of their efforts relegated to simply inquiries about privacy issues and other negative slants?

But I know me. Anger doesn’t get me anywhere.

So I thought about a favorite author—Mary Baker Eddy–whose every endeavor it seems was in taking a stand for authentic communication that mattered. She spent the better part of 40 years editing one text, Science and Health and because of her life achievements was dubbed by the National Association of Women Writers as among women “whose words have changed the world.”

And because she was so intensely aware of the need for objective reporting in the media, she didn’t just contribute articles to a local newspaper. She created one, an international daily in fact, the Christian Science Monitor—at a time when she felt objective reporting was vital to leaven the quality of content in the media. And to this day the Monitor still lives and breathes her original intent for it’s purpose “to injure no man and to bless all mankind.”

Okay…so here I was feeling compassion about the women who blog, a bit of miff-dom toward the interviewers, and then I’m reminded of Eddy’s example…

And so it made me pause and think and pray.

It’s not enough to just dwell—to me—on what was missing from the interview. That’s been discussed enough. And you can surely read about it doing your own google searches.

What I wish to offer is my perspective on lessons I’ve discerned in thinking and rethinking all of these conversations through.

All of these discussion threads make me ask the questions:
Why wasn’t there a greater celebration of achievements?
And more to the point: what am I doing with my own life to honor examples of success I come in touch with?

To me, the real learning I’m doing in sifting through all this stuff is asking those questions.

As a new blogger, I would have loved to ask these women about their successes and more. I would have asked them what started them blogging, what keeps them going, and how they would define the impact of their blogging on their own lives and on the lives of their readers. Heck, I may have even asked how their blogging is –to them—helping to evolve human rights as they further the right of each one of us to take a stand for our voices.

But it wasn’t long ago when I might have been a bit jealous of their achievements or worse, a bit more dumping on myself that I haven’t gotten further along in my own writings.

Think about it. When you see someone who is successful–whether in appearance, in their career, in their health/physique, in their relationships, what is your first thought?

Do you judge them negatively? Are you suspicious, critical, or apathetic? Do you inwardly cave and wonder what the heck is wrong with you? Or do you acknowledge achievements and applaud their efforts?

I would like to think we each and all celebrate one another’s successes.

We should!!!!

We share a commonness with all others that each one of us is on a journey. And someone’s successes — in whatever way– should be encouragement to each one of us that breaking through limitations is possible, doable, and proveable…on any scale, in any circumstance.

As I’m honest with myself, while I know this is my goal, it is not all the time where my thoughts first go.
Me being completely honest, when I see a woman—be it a mom, a peer, a woman senior to me….in whatever capacity that person is successful….I tend to wonder first things like: “How did she get there? What is she doing right?” Part suspicion, part genuine, sometimes jealousy, often my inner wonder. But I’m a far cry from fully embracing and honoring. I need to do better. I want to do better.

Sometimes I think I know. I say to myself: “Well she’s mastered thought by thought living and maintains peace and can hear her goals and not the muck of self condemnation, carves out a path for herself and just goes nuts. You could be there but aren’t b/c you’re too caught up in feeling incapable yourself. ”

Other times I just pause and think “I wanna be more like that” ( a type of criticism) or “how come I’m not there yet?” (a type of complaining) or worse, dumping on myself (a type of condemnation).

My point here: until we can look out at anyone’s successes and objectively celebrate their victories, we may fall into the trap of criticism, complaining or condemnation (which may have been what happened to those who interviewed the bloggers).

So for me…as I’m thinking broadly about this topic–how to celebrate one another’s successes–how to learn from them and more how to celebrate my own and honestly assess what needs improving, I’m remembering this simple but oh so vitally important commandment: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.’

Why?

Well, think about it. If you are striving to see yourself spiritually, as inherently good, than why would you settle for anything less when viewing ‘your neighbor’ even if that person is someone you’ve never met…even if that person is succeeding at his/her endeavor that you may not understand at all, why would you NOT ‘love him/her’ or rather see that individual wholely and purely?

We all have weaknesses. We all have those choices we made that we wished we hadn’t. We can all craft a laundry list of things we wanna be doing better. And everyone who’s achieved success in whatever way also has a laundry list that to him/her he/she could be doing better.

So why then–when we see someone who’s successful in whatever way–can’t we sit back and honor and celebrate it, compliment it, and even ask where/when appropriate for some help and guidance along the way?

What was lost from that interview can be found in our day to day: Each one of us can value the successes of another individual we admire while also honoring our own. We can learn from one another, honestly and gently self assess, and push ourselves to grow.

None of those mommy bloggers got where they are by believing that they would fail. None of them achieved readerships by writing about boring content and gossip. All of them got where they are because they were true to their innermost desire to give voice to their hearts. And they’ve helped several bloggers along the way.

And in the long run those examples are what to me will move society forward: people who succeed who are willing to cooperatively share what they’ve learned, compassionately offer help, and compliment others’ successes along the way.

All of us can right now think of 2 or 3 people who inspire us…and we can pick up the phone and / or shoot them an email and just ASK: hey, what’s making this work so well for you?

My friend Elizabeth at table4five.com has taught me so much about blogging. So have a bunch of writers I know over at spirit-on-the-job-dot-com (spotj.com) and still others at blogher.com. But I know I haven’t told them enough. Note to self: tell them!!!

To me it’s that simple. And what’s more, that person will know and feel that their efforts are appreciated.

Mary Baker Eddy writes this: “The good in human affection must have ascendency over the evil and the spiritual over the animal, or happiness will never be won. The attainment of this celestial condition would improve our progeny, diminish crime, and give higher aims to ambition.” (Science and Health, p. 61:4).

Cooperation, compliments, and compassion go such a long way. To me, those are the real lessons to learn from and live by.

What do you think?

Leave your comments or shoot me an email at evolveserenity@gmail.com. Be well and enjoy your journey thought by thought…..they matter much! Tre ~

I am not a wasted life…and neither are you…..

I have often wondered how many of us wake up – women especially – and beat themselves up….mentally…….

I used to struggle a lot with this. And still do to some degree.
The accusations ran the gammit….but were always heinous attacks on my individuality….

You’re ugly, a wasted life, no good, no use, not needed, you’re fat, gross, mean, selfish, a disappointment to your family, you have no meaningful relationships, everything you love leaves or ends, you are a disgrace to womanhood, you don’t know how to do your job…

You name it, I thought it.
And this is only a snippet of the more ‘gental’ kinds of self criticism.
It’s been heinously evil and worse. And for years drove me to being abusive to myself.

It wasn’t until I learned how to defend myself, my innocence, my true substance, against these attacking comments that I started to find some freedom. But it took daily, moment to moment work, and sometimes still does….

Whatever attacks, whatever accuses, criticizes, condemns….is not ever your thought. I know it comes that way because you think it and it uses the pronoun ‘you’ and calls you a dumbass or a stupid idiot or whatever.

IT IS NEVER YOUR THOUGHT.

It is always the anti truth that seems to be your thought.

REPEAT: IT IS NEVER YOUR THOUGHT.

Why?
Because it is NEVER the voice of God expressing itself as Truth. It is the counterfeit—the seeming power and intelligence that tries to establish some kind of authority in our lives.

Left unguarded against, our thoughts can become sponges to its influence. But met and mastered with Truth, it will dissipate and cease to influence.

I’m talking about a mental onslaught that NO ONE HAS TO FALL VICTIM TO EVER.

But we often don’t’ know this. And in believing that we’re the source of the condemnation, many of us do things to mentally run away from the attack…..stay busy, drink, do drugs, whatever…anything to avoid standing still and hearing the negative crap.

But you don’t have to run away. And you know what else? No matter how much you run, that doesn’t destroy the condemning.

The ONLY thing that destroys it is to meet it head on mentally with truths about your individuality….truths about the One Mind.

Every single morning now, I arm myself with the spiritual facts of being.
I pray this way:

This moment is God’s, the divine Mind’s and right now this moment, the ONLY thing going on is an awareness of Truth and the expression of it. Truth is spiritual and is seen and known and felt in all that is goodness, all that is joy, all that is purity, innocence, honesty and peaceful. Right now this moment, as the very idea of the divine Mind, I embody Truth. I am not simply a form but an expression of being. I have only the substance of love, of goodness, of purity, of strength, of honesty, of intelligence.
Whatever is mine to do, I know and I will know.
Whatever is not mine to do will fall away.
I am influenced by Spirit, not by ego. And I will discern when the misinfluence comes and I will have the wisdom to see and know that anything hateful, derogatory, condemning or evil is not ever my thinking and thus I do not have to fall victim to its pull.
Any evil influence is nothing but a false belief in a power opposed to Truth. False beliefs have no real foundation or basis, are lies, and have no power except if I believe them. So I will work to see and know the nothingness of these lies and I am right now completely free from any of their attacks. The divine Mind holds guard over my thinking and is a constant present influence of Love in my life. I will feel and know this Love supporting and sustaining me and I will see tangible proofs of this Love in the caring of my every need. I am right now whole, pure, free and loved.

I pray this way now and it has made all the difference. Much of what I pray about I learned through reading Mary Baker Eddy’s Science and Health, to me a complete statement about the Science of Being, the truth of the nature of God and man and their inseparable relationship.

No one is a victim of evil, ever. And none of us have to fall victim to the heinous accusatory condemnations of any power or influence that is opposed to Love.

For each one of us it’s different. Maybe you don’t deal with self image stuff. Maybe you fight attacks on your ability or intelligence or capability or experience or know how.

Whatever the condemnation, KNOW THIS: IT IS NOT EVER YOUR THOUGHT, IT IS NOT EVER TRUE ABOUT YOU, and YOU DO NOT EVER HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT OR BE DUPED BY IT FOR A SINGLE MOMENT.

You are this moment the idea of Mind and as such you are only the substance of wisdom, honesty, intellect, beauty, grace, purity and innocence.

Whatever denies this is bunk and not true.
And you do not ever have to fall victim to its accusations. In fact the more you fight them and prove their lying nature, the more they’ll fall away. Trust me. I’m an expert in this regard! ☺

Lemme know if you have more questions or wanna chat about fighting off the condemning muck. You are free this moment even if you feel like you’re wallowing….even if you feel like you’re a wreck…even if you feel hopeless or ugly or a complete failure. YOU ARE MORE THAN OKAY. You are loved….and you are whole this moment, no matter what the muck screams or attacks.

Leave a comment, shoot me an email, or gimme a call. I’m happy to help you with more about what worked for me…….and completely willing to walk you through how to learn how to fight off this stuff yourself.

YOU ARE MORE THAN OKAY. YOU ARE COMPLETE AND WHOLE RIGHT NOW.

Keep at it….carve away the muck….the beautiful sculpture that is you is right here.
Be well and much love, Tre ☺

Healing anger when someone betrays you

Hey….probably good to write every now and again while I’m in the midst of praying my way instead of blogging once I’ve found my way through.

Tough news is just that: tough. No way around it. Not gonna cover it up. It can break your heart. It can make you angry. It can make you fall apart and wanna cave it for a good…..long……while.

I got some really tough news recently. Really tough.

I’m angry, hurt, bitter, feel betrayed and used, like I wanna scream. Someone I love has been hurt and my heart is tearing up inside.

I know right this moment I MUST make make a choice. Either get control of these emotions and the reality of what’s going on or they will control me. Either wallow around in this anger as justified as my ego argues, or establish in thought right this moment what is governing and ruling the hour and respond to THAT.

Sure, my ego is screaming. But more importantly, I am already fully aware of the calm, strong currents of Divine Love and its creation. And the duty of the moment is to shift thought THERE.

How? How can I or you or anybody push passed the emotions when you feel self justified? By taking a stand for reality..that is spiritual.

Mary Baker Eddy has helped me understand this a lot. She writes a ton about thought….how to train it and manage it..in Science and Health. A fave line states “Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good and the true and you will bring these into your experience proportionably as to the occupancy of your thoughts.”

So with this situation then, my thought immediately reaches out.
I ask “What’s the enduring, the good and the true that I can hold to right this moment? What is really going on?”

The enduring….what is lasting…is the simple yet profound fact of the divine Being..God..and His idea..man….held inseparably in a panoply of Love. The only thing EVER going on is this conscious activity of Love being itself and expressing itself as creation…including you and me. None of us ever fall from this divine stronghold. None of us ever are separated for a moment from it.

Any human circumstance that suggests otherwise can be seen as the misrespresentation of this spiritual fact.

It really boils down to: what are you going to believe is really going on

Go back to that question….What’s enduring? what’s good? what’s true?

I’ve written a bit on the enduring.

What’s good and what’s true?

Good is the very nature of God and hence of man’s real character.

What’s true is the essence of that nature. Man is innocent, tender, loving, compassionate, strong, honest, obedient and principled.

So in praying, I defend this. It’s like getting into thought and refusing to believe the material picture as the truth of someone’s character. A mirage always seems real until you get up closer. There’s no water there. Same with personalities and character.

Working and praying like this demands you shift from reading the material picture to discerning the spiritual fact…to wrap our thoughts around reality…and defend the true nature of God and man even amidst the scenario where so much is arguing its opposite

You have to lift your thought OUT of the present situation blaring in your mind of what just happened by someone else to the person you love….You have to lift thought up to DEFEND with all your heart and soul and mind WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON IN REALITY.

I’m not saying ‘deny that this wrong doing occurred.’

I am saying forgive, love through it, because you defend the true nature of someone’s spirituality.

Now on the surface, this doesn’t erase the shock and pain of the circumstance. But it keeps thought off the pull to condemn, slander, or ridicule. It keeps thought out of the anger and hatred. Mind you, whenever anyone does anything that’s self centered, he or she ends up punishing themselves because he or she has to face their own thinking.  And while I hope for someone’s immediate wake up call to see the wrong that’s been done and to apologize for it and change his or her ways, sometimes we don’t see that change of thought. But we can still defend the true nature of man is steering that person’s behavior.

This is hard stuff sometimes….to defend another’s truth. Much argues against doing so. Much will try to sway you to feel justified in being angry at another. But it doesn’t help. Anger or resentment will never bring healing.

Reality is spiritual–Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health. That doesn’t negate the realness of our now experience. But it does require that we lift it out of just the physical realm. The current of Truth is ALWAYS AT WORK….lifting thoughts up, redeeming MOMENTS, and helping each one of us forgive, forgive, forgive.

Why forgive when there’s so much wrong that’s been done?

Well, bring that question back home: have YOU ever done something you regretted that hurt another? Were you conscious you were hurting someone else and did it anyway? Too many of us can say yes to that question and I don’t care if it’s you scraped off the icing off the top of the cake your mom just made your sister for her birthday (true story I was a chubbo 8 year old and snuck sweets anywhere I could find them). …or if it’s worse….if it’s befriending someone you know is in the midst of another relationship to be a source of comfort to that person…all the while you justify you’re just being a friend to them and yet you know in your heart you’re falling for them and you end up really hurting yourself…(yep, another true story, happened when I was in college)….or even still more recently, I had to go silent for a while and just cut myself off from family for a while to get some ducks in a row that I needed to without a lot of unsolicited, though well meaning opinions…this hurt them much and I knew it would. But I had to take care of me….more on that later.

So see, I surely just thought of those 3 things right here sitting here without a whole lot of thought and there’s probably hundreds more I could write about…..We each have done things without intentionally trying to hurt someone else ……

So it’s vital in thought to steer it and keep it on what is true…that the presence of Love is the only atmosphere I dwell in or anyone else dwells in. That right at this moment, all of us are being influenced only by that which is honest, pure, genuine, and unselved. That at any moment, if our actions seem to stray, that we are not lost or victimized. That at any moment, anyone can be freed from a misinfluence or misunderstanding of his or her true nature.

It would seem that loneliness or rejectedness or feeling like a failure would dominate thought and lead it to commit acts that are foreign to our inclinations. But knowing this tendency, if someone’s actions do fall far from what you’d otherwise expect, you can and I can have compassion toward them and just keep holding their truth up in thought as we think of them: that this individual is a child of God and reflects only the substance of Love, of Truth, and as such is a wholely good and loving individual.

Defending reality will free your thought up from thinking any one individual is an evil doer. Evil is never the person …it is simply a mass of wrong thoughts that for a moment dominate another. But it is never that person’s true character or nature…..
Bare with me as it may seem I’m rambling.
This is the work of the hour that really matters…to heal and renew all of our thoughts about another. To lift thought out of the muck of judgement, criticism, attacking slander. And to keep thought on the truth of someone’s spirituality.

So as I do this in my own thinking, my anger lessens. And I begin to hold in thought only the true nature of this other one’s character. And this healing influence does settle my anger.

It will take more times praying like this….I know….to completely once and for all heal the sting that that anger and resentment try to persuade. But I will keep on. Because I know that all of us are Love’s creation. None of us intentionally wake up to harm another. And all of us can be freed from misinfluences. And most importantly, if we’ve been wronged by another, all of us can feel the healing comfort of divine Love’s embrace. That is our right. And it’s worth every ounce of our thought in defending.

More soon……

The unconditional love of resolve and intent

Resolve and intent ….of late I’ve been thinking of them as true friends…who never let go, never turn their back, never give up.

They linger on…sometimes quietly, with subtle nudges, oftentimes more vocal with firm insistances…but always with supportive, persistent advocacy reminding you to perserveer.

And they both do so with grace, unyielding patience, trust, and knowing.

It’s like they know they’ve got you….They know you won’t and really can’t abandon them. They’re not an old style you pitch or donate. And you can’t craig’s list or ebay ’em. And surely they’re not a passing fad, trend, or phase you’re going through.

Nope. Resolve and intent stick around. Like the companion we probably each pine for….they don’t leave, they never say ‘let’s be just friends’, they don’t neglect, they never reject, never say ‘see ya’ no matter how much you don’t return their phone calls, emails, requests to get together, or how much you resist them. No way to run from them. They’ve kinda gotcha.

Why all this metaphoric writing?

Well, it may sound ridiculous to some, but it’s because of them–my constant companioning with resolve and intent –that i’m even on this page to begin with. Try as i might to run away from them, avoid them, stand them up, neglect or ignore them, they don’t leave. They know better than to be duped by the self condemning wailings that I’ve been misinfluenced by. They know better than to agree with me when I’ve been mistakingly convinced I have nothing worthy of saying. They flat out refuse to agree with the self-absorbed voice of weakness and self pity.

In truth? Resolve and intent are like my spiritual armor I can always rely on, like the most devoted of companions. They won’t let me fall apart and drift into that sea of abyss of self condemnation. And the more I chisel thought as to understand why, resolve and intent are our very true core essence definers if you will. They know our heart of hearts and will defend this inner yearning forevermore…or so it seems.

So how can you distinguish your own inner heart of hearts yearnings and pullings?

Just be honest….just listen….and above all…just let yourself silence all that clamors, pulls, weighs down and sabotages your individuality….all that abuses or disturbs your peace..all that sabotages and attacks your innocence.

How do you do this?

Shut your mental door. Lock it. And refuse to allow into your thoughts anything and everything that tears you down. I don’t care if it’s banging the door down and trying to break in. I don’t care if it’s coming in the guise of your mom’s voice, your dad’s voice, your boyfriend’s, husband’s, boss’, brother’s, sister’s or friend’s voice…and it doesn’t matter a bit more if it’s knocking on the door of thought as your own voice.

Whatever is clamoring for attention and acceptance, if it’s condemning and sabotaging, is not true. And you owe it nothing. You owe it nothing. YOU OWE IT NOTHING. Not a peek, not a glance, not a whisper, not one word. You owe nothing to this would be condemner.

Rather do you owe everything to carving out your resolve and intent…the inner most you…your real yearnings and heart to heart pullings. These are your true substance, your true essence, your spirituality. And these deserve your defending and proving, your advocating and living. Be who they are pulling you to be. Because this innermost core you is the truth of your being. And as you sculpt your thoughts and carve off the muck that counters your resolve and intent, your true essence will shine. And your resolve and intent will rule the moment…..thought by thought.

I’ll leave off with a poem I first read as a child. It’s called “Life Sculpture”….you’ll see why….enjoy! and don’t forget to leave a comment or be in touch another way if you wanna chat more about any of the above…..and as always…thank you for reading…and happy sculpting! 🙂 ….Tre ~

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Life Sculpture, by George Washington Doane

CHISEL in hand stood a sculptor boy
With his marble block before him,
And his eyes lit up with a smile of joy,
As an angel-dream passed o’er him.

He carved the dream on that shapeless stone,
With many a sharp incision;
With heaven’s own light the sculpture shone,–
He’d caught that angel-vision.

Children of life are we, as we stand
With our lives uncarved before us,
Waiting the hour when, at God’s command,
Our life-dream shall pass o’er us.

If we carve it then on the yielding stone,
With many a sharp incision,
Its heavenly beauty shall be our own,–
Our lives, that angel-vision.